16 New Year, New Life
by ARtheBard
Summary: Suspended by Straus, Emily can fight or flee. Given time to think and reflect on her life, Emily knows what she intends to do. And Straus had better put on her boxing gloves.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is following these crazy little stories of mine. It means so much to me. Thank you for the reviews and the PMs. I really appreciate all of them. Y'all (like Garcia) rock!**

Kind of like "Testify" this story will feature flashbacks, which will appear in bold. If they reference a particular episode, I'll note it at the bottom of the chapter. Some flashbacks may just be my warped little mind at work. Enjoy!

* * *

Emily hurries to her SUV, struggling to maintain her emotions in a way she never has before. As she leaves the secure gates of Quantico it flashes through her mind that it could be for the last time. She takes a deep breath.

"Control your breathing, Prentiss," she warns herself.

Instead of heading for I-95, she turns right up Route 1. At the first mini-mall north of MCB Quantico, she turns in. She parks in a space far away from the building and finally lets her emotions loose.

She cries for 2 boys who will not grow up to become men.

She cries for a little boy who lost his mother and his innocence to a madman in Texas.

She cries for a baby who never had a chance to be born.

She cries for a girl who was so alone in the world.

She cries for a woman who is finally getting to know parents that had essentially been absent her whole life.

She cries for the young woman who had to prove to her professors and other students that she had earned her place at Yale, not just bought a slot.

She cries for the Interpol agent that broke laws to bring one man and his network down.

She cries for the nameless, faceless people affected by that agent's weapons sales.

She cries for the FBI agent who has basically been accused of murder by the person that should have her back.

She cries for the FBI agent who had aimed for the BAU her entire career and may be getting it stolen from her by an egomaniac.

She cries for the victims and their families she's worked with over the years.

She cries for her friend's wife, cut down by a monster while they all listened helplessly.

She cries for her wife, who bears the pain of the latest case.

She cries. And cries. And cries. And cries until finally her head and eyes hurt. She reaches into the armrest storage compartment and pulls out the tissues that JJ keeps there. She wipes her face and blows her nose. She glances at the clock and is surprised to see she's been there for an hour.

She takes another deep breath and pulls out her phone. Speed dial 1. It rings only once before it's answered.

"Emily, are you okay?" JJ asks.

Emily blows out the air she had sucked in. "That's a loaded question. I didn't deserve the suspension, Jen. And when Straus finishes her 'investigation' she'll see that. And I may consider a complaint with HR. This is completely and utterly wrong."

"I know, sweetheart. We all know." JJ pinches the bridge of her nose. "She's interviewing each of us individually about what happened in Texas. She's even planning to fly to Texas next week to interview the IAB detectives, some of the vice guys that knew the junkie, and the commissioner who held up your release."

"Fuck," Emily mutters. "This isn't about that shooting, Jen. She's been trying to destroy the team for a long time. And she's been after me since…since I wouldn't be her stooge."

"I know. We _all_ know. Emily, we've got your back. The Dallas PD IAB guys have your back. And if that commissioner knows what's good for him he'll have your back, too," JJ tells her with confidence. To herself, she thinks, _"And if he doesn't, I'm sure Elizabeth will be glad to remind him what's good for him."_

"You don't know how much that means to me, Jen," Emily whispers. She rubs her face in shame. "I, uh, owe you an apology. I was upset and I slipped up. I called you JJ instead of Jennifer when I was talking to Hotch. I swear I didn't mean anything by it. I was just busy trying to separate my emotions, my identity from the job. Somehow you slipped into that and I called you JJ. I'm sorry, Jennifer."

JJ smiles. "It's okay, Em. Thank you for telling me. Look, I hate to do this but Reid just signaled me. It's my turn with Straus."

"Okay. Look, just…be honest. Things will work out, right?" Emily says hopefully.

"Right. And don't forget: I love you, Emily Prentiss," JJ states.

Emily smiles. "God, I love you so much, Jennifer Prentiss. And I swear I'm going to get my head back on right so I can be a person worthy of your love."

"Oh, sweetheart, you already are. See you tonight, baby. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

Emily hangs up the phone and sits there a moment longer. She considers heading home but just can't face Francesca or Henry yet. Not with her emotions still somewhat raw. She taps the steering wheel. On a whim, she drives to the neighborhood where they will be moving. She hopes the security guard working the gate is the same one as before since she doesn't have her credentials. Hopefully her license will be enough to get her in.

For once that week, luck is with her. He is the same one that was working the first time she saw the house and the time she came with the reps from the playground company. She can't get into the house, but she can at least walk around, remind herself what her life is and what it will be.

As she pulls into the driveway, she stares up at the two-story home. What does it mean to her? She feels a stirring in her heart.

"It means love and family," she whispers in answer to her own question. "It means peace."

She gets out of the Lexus and walks up the brick walk. In her mind she pictures the walk trimmed with small gardens on each side. Maybe flowering plants alternating with non-flowering plants for contrast.

As a bitter wind blows, she pulls her coat tighter to her and slips on her lambskin, fur-lined gloves. Wishing she'd remembered her scarf that morning, she walks around to the back of the house. She walks past the small garden area to the swimming pool, now covered for winter. She smiles as she imagines teaching Henry how to swim.

"Henry and maybe a little sister or brother," she whispers, unconsciously rubbing her stomach as if already carrying a child in her womb.

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, this is what you want. _This_is what is important. Family, love, children. If Straus torpedoes your career, you will still have this. Your wife and son are all you really need," Emily reminds herself. "Get your head on straight, Emily. Don't do something to lose them."

Taking a deep breath of the crisp winter air, she turns and heads back to her Lexus. As she gets in, she lifts up her phone…and calls Dr. Lara Westfallen.


	2. Chapter 2

"That's _not_ how it happened, Chief," JJ insists.

"You weren't there, Agent Jareau. How could you possibly know?" Straus pushes.

"Because I know Agent Morgan and Agent Prentiss. They told us what happened. The Dallas IAB investigated and confirmed the story. Why are you so determined to destroy her career? Why are you so threatened by Emily Prentiss?"

Straus leans forward, her eyes icy. "I am not threatened by Emily Prentiss. Or anyone, Agent Jareau. And you best remember that no one on your team is irreplaceable. Not even you."

JJ sits forward in her seat, refusing to be intimidated. "The suspension of Prentiss is wrong, ma'am. And I think you know that. Nothing you hear from us is going to justify your actions. Do you need anything else from me?"

Straus stares at the woman. JJ had always been strong, much stronger than her team had given her credit for. Straus had admired it. But now that she's was fighting that woman's fortitude, she hates it. She sits back in her seat.

"For now. Send in Agent Rossi," Straus commands.

"Yes, ma'am."

JJ stands and leaves the chief's office. She makes her way directly to Rossi's office, the look on her face telling people to stay out of her way. She leans in his door.

"You're up, Rossi."

Rossi sighs and stands. He and Straus rarely saw eye to eye. And, even worse, she was not pleased he had returned to the BAU. She felt any accomplishments she could have hung her hat on were now lauded on Rossi. She was very bitter. And if she could figure out a way to smash this team to pieces she would do it out of spite towards him, Hotch and Prentiss because they had dared stand up to her.

"JJ, it's going to be okay," he says with confidence he doesn't feel.

"Rossi, I know you mean well, but just don't, okay?" JJ turns and heads back to her office.

It wasn't right. They had saved Scotty Osters. They had stopped a serial killer that had only been on the radar for 2 days. The bullpen should be full of excited agents, basking in the knowledge that they had won a battle. Instead it's tense and angry. And most of all, it's quiet. Reid and Morgan stare at their desks, every once in a while, their eyes darting to Emily's. Morgan feels like it's his fault. Reid is trying to come up with stats or incidences that would render the inquisition moot.

"Fucking narcissistic bullshit," JJ mutters as she heads into her office. She shuts the door, not wanting to be disturbed in her anger. She leans against it without thinking and immediately leaps forward. The pain from her whipping reminding her that the cloud over the team is recent…and not showing signs of dissipating.

* * *

Emily paces the waiting room nervously. Finally the inner office opens and a tall, red-headed woman steps out. She extends her hand. "Hi, I'm Dr. Westfallen. You must be Agent Prentiss."

Emily nods and shakes the woman's hand. "Yes. Emily, please. Thanks for squeezing me in today. I was kind of surprised."

Westfallen shrugs. "Unfortunately, at this time of year I get a lot of cancellations. Some people go on vacation. Others think the holidays make things better. And, sadly, some just give up trying until after the new year."

Emily nods. "I see. Well, I'm sorry for them but glad for me, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well…shrinks…um, I mean, psychologists and psychiatrists aren't usually my thing," Emily admits.

Westfallen smiles understandingly. "I know. But I promise to be gentle. Come on in."

They head into her office. Emily glances around, noting the knickknacks and books on the various shelves. She is impressed to see several first editions of some classic novels. Westfallen smiles.

"Done profiling me, Agent?"

Emily blushes. "Uh, sorry. Habit."

"It's okay. Your wife did the same thing," she relates.

"And she thinks she's not a profiler," Emily mutters proudly. "So, uh, how do you want to start this thing?"

Westfallen gestures to the couch and Emily sits down on the edge of it. The doctor takes the seat across from her and smiles.

"Why don't we start with what has you so on edge you look like you're about to run out of here and never look back?"

Emily looks down, noting she hasn't removed her coat and she is, indeed, sitting on the edge of the sofa as if getting ready to jump up. She closes her eyes to center herself, using the time to remove her coat. She forces herself to sit back and try to relax. When she opens her eyes, she stares at her hands, which are crossed in her lap.

"I got suspended today for something I did. I…I…" She takes a calming breath again. "A junkie was going to stab my partner. I shot him. He died and my partner is okay. The local cops cleared me but our section chief is making it out that I killed the kid without justification. Pending her new investigation of events I'm suspended. And I didn't realize how much I needed those credentials to feel…feel whole."

Westfallen nods. "I would say a lot of people in law enforcement feel the same. It's not so much a job as a way of life."

"Exactly. Now don't get me wrong. My wife and son are my world. I love them more than anything. I was planning to take some time off, and even to call you, but then the chief forced my hand and took my badge. I…I feel like I'm losing myself. I've worked my ass off for my career; always aiming to get to the BAU. And now it may be taken away due to the type of politics I spent my life running from. It's not fair. And I just want to break things I am so _angry_," Emily finishes.

Westfallen looks at Emily for a moment. "Can I ask why you spent your life running from politics? I feel it may have a lot of bearing on your personality and your goals."

Emily runs a hand through her hair. A year ago she would have just bashed her parents and the life they lead. Now she has feelings for them she had never thought she would have. Westfallen watches the play of emotions across Emily's face.

"I apologize. I didn't realize it was such a loaded question," she says sincerely.

Emily manages a small smile. "It's not loaded. Just…complicated. If Jennifer hadn't screwed up my screwed up relationship with my parents I could answer easily." Westfallen chuckles at that. "I was a show piece growing up. My parents are very involved in the political machine. I'd be paraded out when their associates were over and then be sent away to live in the shadows. I barely knew them. The times they were together they were fighting and bitter. And…and as I got older…I learned about my father's many affairs. It's only recently I learned he'd hidden a drinking problem back then that contributed to a lot of his bad decisions. Not that my mother was an angel. Image meant more to her than anything. And I spent my teen years trying to be everything they didn't want me to be."

"That sounds exhausting."

"It was. Because somehow I also knew my only way out of the hell I saw as my future was education. I think it was a nanny that taught me that. Despite some bad missteps along the way, I got into Yale and, eventually, into the FBI Academy. Everything I wanted I was doing for myself. Well, if I ignored the money my parents were feeding into my bank accounts I was doing it myself," she says with an ashamed grin.

"There's nothing wrong with getting money from your parents, Emily. Surprisingly, most college students do."

"I know. It's just…I never got…shit, I can't believe I'm about to say this." Emily stands and starts to pace. "I never got love from them. I got money. I got _things_. And I don't think I ever realized how much I didn't get from them until I met Jennifer and saw her relationship with her parents. They love her and they show it in actions and words." Emily smiles at a memory. "The first time her mother hugged me I stiffened up so much I thought for sure she'd never hug me again. I was…was scared of that spontaneous show of love. Luckily, she wasn't scared of me. Neither was Jennifer."

Westfallen smiles. "She doesn't strike me as the type to scare easily when the stakes are important to her."

Emily leans against the wall, staring at nothing, smiling at thoughts of JJ. "That's putting it mildly. You know, I just recently found out she'd been texting my mother for almost 3 years, telling Mother all the things I'd accomplished, forcing my mother to see that I was not a disappointment for following my own path. I know Jen is the only reason I have a relationship with my parents. And…and I find myself actually liking them." Emily turns back to Westfallen. "So, back to your question about politics, that's why it's a complicated question. I swore I'd never be like my parents because I couldn't stand them. Now…now I like them but I still wouldn't touch politics with a 10 foot pole if I could help it."

"And you say politics is now destroying your career. Is something they've done hurting you?"

Emily wraps her arms across her chest. Westfallen sees the walls go up faster than the Space Shuttle. Emily starts to pace. But unlike the easy steps of before she's now marching in irritation.

"I…I killed a kid on Monday. I had to. If I hadn't Derek would be dead. I know that. It was a good shoot. But our chief suspended me. Basically said I went rogue and until she proves otherwise I'm suspended. She did this because she put me on this team to get dirt on my boss. I refused and embarrassed her. Several other times she's tried to intimidate me and I haven't backed down. I challenge her authority just by existing and now…now she's found a way to get me out of there and put a new stooge in place. Bullshit fucking politics," Emily explains.

Westfallen thinks for a few minutes. "Emily, please don't take this the wrong way but there are a hell of a lot of things you need to work through."

Emily chuckles humorlessly. "Understatement of the year. I haven't even gotten to my undercover crap yet."

Westfallen grins. "Then we agree you'll come back to see me?'

Emily closes her eyes. She pictures Jen and Henry. And she knows if she doesn't get her head on straight, get a handle on the fury raging in her, she will lose them. She opens her eyes and raises an eyebrow at the doctor.

"When can you get me in again?"

Westfallen smiles. "Tomorrow at 9 a.m.?"

Emily shrugs. "Well, I definitely don't have to be at work. I guess it's a date, so to speak."

"Good. And, Emily, for us shrinks not being your thing, you did very well today."

Emily grins. "Thanks. See you tomorrow, Doc."

When Emily gets out to her SUV she sits staring out the window as it warms up. What if she didn't get her credentials back? What if she couldn't get past the guilt that threatens to overwhelm her? What if she knows she could never pull her gun again? What will she do with her life?

She pulls out her phone and pulls up a picture of JJ playing with Henry and his new racetrack. She smiles.

"Fuck the 'what if's'. If I lose my career I'll do what I've done since I was a kid: I'll persevere."

With that vow in mind, Emily pulls out of the parking lot and heads for home to spend the afternoon with her son.


	3. Chapter 3

When Emily arrives home, no one is there. She looks around and sees a note from Francesca saying she had taken Henry shopping with her. Emily sighs. She had really needed to see him.

She paces aimlessly around the apartment for a while but she is getting antsy. She heads upstairs to the bedroom and quickly changes into sweats and sneakers. Maybe a jog will help clear her head. She starts to put her clutch piece in her fanny pack she wears when she realizes two things: 1) she only wears the fanny pack to hold her credentials and gun and 2) without her credentials she couldn't be armed in D.C. She drops her fanny pack on the bed with a sigh.

"Nothing you can do, Em. It's out of your hands…which also pisses you off. Just run out your aggressions," she coaches herself.

Clipping her cell phone on her belt she heads downstairs. She leaves a note for Francesca letting her know she's out running and sets out. With her Ipod on, she sets out towards the Mall. As cold as it is, she figures there would be few souls out and about so she should be able to keep a decent pace. As she runs, she thinks, getting lost in her memories.

* * *

**"GIRLS NIGHT OUT!" Garcia screams as she grabs Emily in a hug.**

**"Uh, what?" Emily says, somewhat in shock.**

**"Girls night out! You, me and JJ. No boys allowed…unless we run into MAJORLY cute ones! Then we can negotiate."**

**Emily wants to refuse. She doesn't do these touchy-feely things. But the excitement in Garcia's eyes would be cruel to extinguish. Plus maybe it would be good to get to know her co-workers a little better.**

**"What time?"**

**"Tonight after work. Wear your sexiest so we can make all the guys swoon over us!"**

**"Swoon?" Emily laughs. "Um, okay. I'll try to be swoon-worthy."**

**Later that day, Emily stares at herself in the bathroom mirror. JJ and Garcia do not yet know she is gay. Emily smiles to herself.**

**"Well, just fake it, Em. It's a family tradition to just go along, right?"**

**And they are having a great time, especially when "Brad" the "real FBI agent" decides to hit on her. She brings him back to the table and, as expected, the three ladies embarrass the heck out of him. It is in that moment that Emily starts to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could be friends with her teammates, not just co-workers. They are cheated out of more time for fun when JJ gets a call about a case.**

**In the weeks and months that follow, she has lunch and dinner with the other two ladies who quickly became her friends and confidants. To a degree. It still took a while for Emily to finally out herself, first to JJ and then to Garcia who, in typical Garcia fashion had simply said, "Duh!"**

* * *

Emily is pulled out her musings when she feels the phone on her hip vibrate. She stops, popping her earbuds out as she glances at the screen.

"Unknown Caller"

Emily figures it has to be related to a job she's technically not allowed to do right now. She answers anyway. No need for someone's case to get put on hold if they need help from the BAU. "Prentiss."

An elegant European accent rolls over the line.

"Darling, I always did love to watch you run."

Emily's blood turns to ice as she hears a voice she hadn't heard since she left her life as Lauren Reynolds behind.

* * *

*references episode 2x21 "Open Season"-one of the funniest scenes I've ever watched!


	4. Chapter 4

Emily slowly spins around, trying to figure out where the call is originating from.

"No need to look for me, darling, I'm not there. It's amazing how easy it is to hack into traffic camera's."

Emily's eyes shift to the street, where she sees multiple chances for Clyde Easter to spy on her.

"What do you want, Clyde?" she says with irritation.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" he asks with amusement.

"Clyde, I can only think of one reason you would call. If Doyle is out tell me. Now," she insists angrily.

"As far as I know your old flame Ian is still locked away and secure. I was calling because I heard you're between jobs right now and might be interested in an offer from your old company."

"How the _fuck_did you find out I'm 'between jobs' already?"

"Please, Emily, did you really think an asset as valuable as you isn't kept track of? As soon as your suspension hit the FBI databases I knew about it. Look, it's no secret that woman Straus has it in for you. Take this as a sign, Emily. Come back to Interpol. We've got a case you would love."

"I won't do it, Clyde. My life is here."

"Ah, yes, you mean the little blonde chicky and her kid. They can come with you. Or maybe you can find someone else to warm your—"

"Finish that sentence and I will finish _you_, Clyde," Emily warns.

He chuckles. "Uh, right. So, Emily, at least say you'll think about it."

"Stuff it, Clyde. Even if I never get back to the BAU I'll definitely never go back to Interpol. I prefer working someplace where I can trust people to have my back."

"Emily, I told you, it was a mistake and—"

"And so was calling me. Goodbye, Clyde. Lose my number and stop watching me. I'm done with you."

Emily hangs up the phone. She leans against a lamppost, trying to settle the unease in her stomach. She should have known they kept tabs on her. They would have to worry someone would turn her or take her and make her talk. Her stint with Interpol had been the biggest mistake of her life. But all she could do was live with it.

Shaking her head, she quickly stretches her cooled muscles and starts off again, once again losing herself in the rhythm of the jog and in her memories.

* * *

**Emily stares through the man in front of her. He grins sadistically and smashes his fist into her chest. She moans from the pain but still doesn't scream.**

**"I'll ask again, bitch, what is your name?"**

**"My name…is…Lauren…Reynolds," Emily grunts out.**

**"LIAR!" He punches her again, his fist connecting with her stomach.**

**Air is forced from her lungs and she drops to her knees. The man standing to her right grabs her by the hair to keep her from falling all the way over. If she could only get her hands untied she would kill them both. She watches as her abuser pulls on a glove. She sees the metal bars embedded in the backs of the fingers. She refuses to show him fear.**

**"One more time, bitch, what is your name?"**

**Emily can't get enough air in to speak…so she spits at him. His backhand shoots pain all up and down the right side of her face. Mercifully, she loses consciousness again. Then man holding her up lets her fall. A man steps into the room.**

**"Did she admit who she really is?" he asks in a British accent.**

**"No, sir. Keeps insisting she is Lauren Reynolds."**

**The blonde haired man nods. "Very good. She's lasted longer than anyone ever has. Wake her up. Let's go at her one more time."**

**Clyde Easter steps back out to observe Emily's torture through the 2-way mirror. He watches as a bucket of ice cold water is poured over her head. She sputters awake, immediately fighting the ropes that bind her arms behind her. She spews out a string of curses in French at her "captors." Clyde just grins. She is spectacular to watch. So far it's been 67 hours of torture: beatings, whippings, hanging by her wrists, anything to put her in pain. Perhaps she would never break.**

**He allows this session to last another 2 hours. Finally he walks into the room. "Enough."**

**Emily is hanging by one wrist from the ceiling. He nods to the man that had been prepared to punch her one more time. The man moves forward and gently supports her body as the other man releases the cuff.**

**"It's 18:36. Get her to the infirmary. Tell them we need her bandaged up and ready to work by 08:00 tomorrow. She knows who she is. Now she must find out exactly _what_ she is."**

**He turns and leaves his men to follow the orders. Emily Prentiss was turning out to be a bigger asset than they had ever expected. Ian Doyle would never be able to break her. His torture methods were nothing compared to Clyde's.**

**"Time for your reign of death to end, Doyle," Clyde mutters, knowing he is finally closing in on the man who had been a blight on the land.**

**When Emily awakens she is in pain like she had never imagined. She groans as she tries to move her arms.**

**"Easy, child. We couldn't give you the good stuff and they worked you over worse than anyone else."**

**Emily squints at the older woman standing beside her. "Who…you?" she croaks out.**

**"No need to worry about my name. Go back to sleep, child. Clyde wants to see you first thing in the morning to continue your training."**

**Emily wants to argue, wants to learn more, but her body betrays her. She slips back into darkness. When she awakens again, her pain has lessened but her body is stiff and sore. She turns her head and sees the man she had been told would be her handler.**

**"What the fuck?" she croaks.**

**"We had to be sure you wouldn't break and reveal your true identity. You passed with flying colors," Clyde tells her.**

**"Lucky fucking me," she mutters.**

**"Emily…," he pauses and leans forward, care etched in his features. "Lauren, what you are about to do will save a lot of lives. We had to make sure you could handle whatever is thrown at you. We will only have one chance to get to Valhalla through Doyle. _You_ are that chance. But…if you want to back out…this is your last opportunity."**

**Emily rolls her neck. She stares at the ceiling for a moment. All she ever wanted was to make a difference and do it her own way. She wants to know she's made the world a better place somehow; a safer place. She slowly turns and looks at Clyde. "Let's do it."**

* * *

Emily suddenly stops jogging. She is at the entrance to Arlington National Cemetery. She slowly turns and looks back across the river at the Lincoln Memorial.

"When the hell did I cross the bridge?" she wonders aloud.

She looks at her watch and sees she's been jogging for about 2 hours.

"Oh, boy. Thank God for the hot tub," she mutters, shaking her head. She is going to be feeling this workout for a couple of days. With a sigh, she turns and starts back towards DC, wishing she'd brought her fanny pack so she'd have cab fare instead of having to jog all the way home.

As she jogs, her mind once again wanders, this time to her first contact mission.

* * *

**"My name isn't important. My needs are," Lauren tells the man in front of her. "And if you don't tell your boy to stop drooling over me you'll find out I don't take kindly to his type of attention."**

**The man stares into her eyes. He'd seen more life, more compassion in a corpse. He looks at his man and nods with his head for him to back off.**

**"Okay. If I don't know you, how do you know I can trust you?" he asks.**

**Lauren raises an eyebrow. "Are you dead yet?"**

**"No."**

**"Then you can trust me," she concludes.**

**He stares at her a moment longer before finally breaking into a grin. "Something tells me this could be a fruitful relationship. What do you need?"**

**"I need 17 SCUD missiles and 14 cases of C-4."**

**The man scratches his chin, contemplating her request. "I see. That could be costly."**

**"Make it happen. Cost isn't an object," she explains. She leans towards him. "Consider this a test for our future relationship. Pass and you can become a very rich man."**

**"And if I fail?" he asks coyly.**

**Her eyes harden even more. "You won't live to know you failed."**

**Before he can say another word she stands. She had seen the flicker of fear; of doubt. He would fail. He was meant to. And then he would be hers. Her first step towards Valhalla.**

* * *

Emily stops in front of the Washington Monument. He hadn't failed completely. But still she had made him pay the price for not doing as she expected. His henchman had died, a .44 bullet between his eyes.

"My first kill," Emily whispers. Had she felt anything? Had it mattered? Does she feel anything now? "Yes, I do feel something now. I feel sick. That man was a murderer. He was a rapist and a thug. And I feel bad I killed him. Why the hell does he matter to me all of the sudden? Fuck you, Clyde, for calling now of all times. I don't need any more crap in my head than I've already got. Westfallen has got enough shit to try to untangle for me."

Emily suddenly realizes a couple standing nearby is watching her nervously. She is talking to herself, her fists clenched. She'd be nervous seeing someone like that, too. With a sigh, she starts off on her jog again, this time willing her mind to stay blank and just concentrate on the music in her ears.


	5. Chapter 5

When Emily lets herself in she hears Henry babbling away. She smiles as it warms her heart. Yes, this is where she's meant to be.

"Who's that I hear talking?" She calls out.

There is a moment of silence, then a super excited squeal. Emily laughs as she peeks around the corner and sees him in his highchair. She takes it as a "welcome home, Mama" when he throws Cheerios at her. Francesca laughs.

"Cara! What are you doing home?"

Emily sighs. "Long, ugly story. Right now I think I just want Henry Hugs!"

As she says the words he squeals again and waves his hands at her. She lifts him out of his highchair and gets a big hug and sloppy kiss on the cheek from him. She just drinks in the love he is pouring out. She kisses his cheek.

"I love you, Champ," she whispers in his ear. She sets him back down and looks at Francesca. "I'm going upstairs to shower and clean up a bit. I have a feeling Jen will be leaving the office exactly on time today, if not a little earlier."

Francesca lays a comforting hand on Emily's arm. "It is bad, si?"

Emily shrugs. "Honestly, I don't know yet. We'll see. I'm probably going to soak in the tub for a while. I hadn't planned to go jogging for 4 hours." She grins. "My body is going to be angry at my mind for wandering so much."

Francesca chuckles as Emily heads up to the bedroom. She strips off her sweaty clothes and goes into the bathroom. She starts the tub to fill as she jumps in the shower. She showers, letting it wash away the sweat and her worries. Her life was with Jen and Henry. She just had to keep reminding herself of that fact.

A few minutes later she lowers herself into the tub. Turning the jets on high she sighs in contentment. It is then she notices the glass of wine and tray of cheese on the side of the tub. She'll have to thank Francesca later.

She takes a sip of wine, smiling when she realizes it's one from her French vineyard. She really did love it. She lays her head back on the bath pillow and closes her eyes. She smiles as she remembers the first time she, Jen and Garcia had actually gotten to complete their Girls Night Out without a case interrupting them.

* * *

**"Line dancing. Are you serious?" Emily asks, staring at the two blondes.**

**Garcia nods excitedly. "Yes! It will be sooooo much fun! We'll wear cute little boots, sexy jeans, maybe a blouse with, you know, like, Western trim and stuff. Oh, and you would look UBER sexy in a cowboy hat, Emster!"**

**Emily laughs at her friend's exuberance. "Uh, JJ?"  
**

**JJ just shrugs. "She makes it sound fun."**

**"But line dancing? I'm picturing mullets and "Achy Breaky Heart" and neither of those things floats my boat."**

**"I'll buy the first and second rounds," Garcia offers.**

**Emily chuckles. "Why the hell don't we take you in the field more often? No unsub would ever refuse to answer you."**

**"So that's a yes?" Garcia presses.**

**Emily sighs. "Sure, it's a yes. Unless, of course we get a case." She stage whispers to JJ. "Any chance for that?"**

**JJ stage whispers back. "No. But I'll try my best."**

**Garcia pops them both in the head playfully. "You two aren't funny. I warn you now: if a case comes in I will do a thing that will send your credit into the toilet."**

**Emily rolls her eyes. "Yeah, right."**

**JJ leans closer, this time really whispering. "She means it, Em."**

**Emily looks at JJ. "Yeah?"**

**"Oh, yeah," JJ says with a nod.**

**"Ah. Okay then. Friday night, line dancing, no excuses."**

**"Good girl," Garcia praises. "Toodles!"**

**She heads off to her office. Emily knows the woman well enough to know she'll expect Emily to dress the part. Emily glances at JJ.**

**"I am NOT wearing a fringed shirt."**

**JJ laughs. "Don't let Garcia hear you say that. She'll show up with matching ones for all 3 of us."**

**"Oh, God…that's a thought too scary to contemplate."**

**JJ's laughter bounces off the walls as she heads back to her office. The thought flashes through Emily's mind that she wouldn't mind dancing a slow dance or two with JJ. But since she is still in the closet around the office it probably wouldn't be a good idea.**

**Friday night comes and Emily offers to be the sober driver. She doesn't want to get too tipsy and give away her sexual secret just yet. Though she doesn't plan to stay in the closet, she finds she wants these women to get to know the rest of her before knowing such an intimate secret. After all, if they really are friends it won't matter, right? **

**Her inner discussion ends as JJ and Garcia pile into her Lexus sedan. Garcia looks around at the swanky interior.**

**"Holy Heated Leather Seats, Batgirl! How the hell do you afford this on your salary?"**

**Emily blushes. She never thought about the car being a sign of her other big secret. "I, uh, it's…"**

**JJ turns and glares at Garcia. "Pen, what have I told you about filtering your comments before spouting them?"**

**Garcia clamps her mouth shut, then grins. "Oh. Right. Sorry." She thinks a minute. "Emily, this car is beautiful. Is it stolen?"**

**Emily and JJ burst out laughing. JJ shakes her head. "God, why do I try?"**

**Garcia just grins proudly. Emily glances in her rearview mirror. The analyst looks so sweet and the question was just so funny Emily decides to go ahead and answer. "Family money. I'm a trust fund kid."**

**"Awesome! And since you didn't wear a fringe my offer to buy the first two rounds is off. Now they're on you!"**

**Emily is amazed. These two women didn't even flinch when she mentioned she had money. Usually there is a moment of awkwardness and a feeling of being sized up. Either they already knew (and with what she's seen of Garcia's hacking skills it was possible) or they just didn't care. They really were as nice as they seemed. Maybe, just maybe, she was finally finding true friends after 30 plus years.**

**When they arrive at the club in Alexandria, she sees the lot is full. When they exit the car, Garcia finally gets a look at her. Emily is in black jeans, a red silk blouse, and black cowboy boots. Her leather blazer tops off the outfit. Garcia lets out a wolf-whistle.**

**"Damn, Em! You're going to need a baseball bat to keep the guys away!"**

**"Wait! I'm not done yet," Emily tells her. She pops the trunk and pulls out a black Stetson. She places it on her head, pulling it low on her brow. Garcia squeals with glee.**

**"OOOO! You look so fucking hot! What do you think, Jayje?"**

**Emily turns her eyes to the other blonde. Her heart skips a beat. There is something predatory in JJ's gaze. Her blue eyes have gotten dark and it's not just the lighting in the parking lot. Garcia pokes her.**

**"Hey! Earth to JJ! How does Emily look?"**

**"She looks…uh, wow." JJ shakes her head to recover her senses. "Yep, Garcia and I are screwed. No guy is going to look our way with you around."**

**Emily grins, looking the liaison over from head to toe. She pretends to think a moment. "You're right. Sorry, ladies. Eat your hearts out."**

**With a swirl and a chuckle, she turns and heads towards the door. JJ and Garcia laugh at her, glad to see the normally closed off woman starting to open up.**

* * *

A strange sound brings Emily out of her musings. She opens her eyes and grins.

"Hey, buddy, I believe that was here for me."

Sergio is happily snacking on the cheese, purring a mile a minute. She reaches over and starts to scratch his head. His purr gets louder as he moves around, making sure she scratches every possible inch of him. He then walks up and lays on the edge of the tub beside her pillow. After taking another sip of wine, she reaches behind her head and continues to scratch the happy little kitten.

* * *

**Emily was not surprised when JJ is the first one asked to dance. The brunette knows she puts off a bit of a "leave me alone" air which most men (unless they are pretending to be agents) tend to obey. Soon, Garcia is also twirled out to the floor. Emily sips her beer, laughing at the good time her friends are having. **

**A presence beside her arm causes her to turn. She looks the tall redhead in the leather miniskirt up and down. Very nice. The woman sees the flicker of interest in Emily's eyes.**

**"Care to dance, cowgirl?" the woman asks, though the dance floor is not where she wants to groove with Emily.**

**Emily gives her an appreciative smile. "Any other night, maybe. But not tonight. Thank you."**

**The woman hands Emily a business card. "If you change your mind…or want to try dancing some other time, call me."**

**Emily tucks the card in her pocket and nods. "I think I will. Emily," she says extending her hand.**

**"Misty," the woman says shaking it. "Call me, Emily. Any time."**

**Emily just nods as the woman walks away. She watches her go, enjoying the sway of the woman's hips. She would probably be fabulous in bed the way she moves. She sighs and turns her attention back to the dance floor. She sees that people are getting excited about the next song being announced. She sees Garcia waving to her to join them. Emily shakes her head no. Garcia frowns and pulls out her cell phone. After a second, Emily's vibrates on her hip. She lifts it and reads the text from her friend.**

**_"Get out here now or I will embarrass you by saying it's your birthday. And you don't want to know what they do for that!"_**

**Emily looks up at her and mouths, "You wouldn't."**

**Garcia just grins.**

**Emily nods. She would.**

**Emily heads out to the dance floor and feels like an elephant trying to tap dance as she tries to follow along to the dance moves everyone around her seems to know. It's like a musical version of the Stepford Wives. She can't help but laugh as JJ and Garcia try to help her only to bust out laughing every time she missteps. Mercifully, the song finally ends and Emily leads her friends back to the table.**

**"Never. Fucking. Again!" Emily states as she signals the waitress for another round.**

**"Ah, Ems, it wasn't that bad," Garcia said, trying not to laugh.**

**"Garcia, were you watching the same person I was? I mean, Emily "Ass-Kicker" Prentiss has two left feet," JJ says, laughing.**

**"Hey, now, this just isn't my forte. Get me in a ballroom and I'll school both your butts," Emily warns them, also laughing at herself.**

* * *

A hand strokes up Emily's arm. She opens her eyes and smiles up at her wife.

"Penny for your thoughts," JJ says.

"What?" Emily asks.

"You had a beautiful smile on your face. Not something I was expecting after…well…this morning." JJ strokes a hand down Emily's cheek.

Emily turns her head and kisses the palm. "I was just remembering our first girl's night out that didn't get interrupted."

JJ starts to laugh and looks away. "Uh, sorry…I just laugh every time I think of it and your self-description of an elephant tap dancing."

Emily splashes her with water. "Be nice. I wasn't that bad." JJ just raises an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe I was," Emily admits with a chuckle. "But I knew after that night I had found two wonderful friends. And I think it was the first time I thought it might actually be safe to really open myself up to people. You and Garcia dragged me kicking and screaming into life. I don't think I ever thanked the two of you for that."

JJ leans down and kisses Emily. "I'm glad you let us in, Em. Very glad."

Emily smiles…and pulls JJ into the hot tub with her.

"EMILY! What the heck are you—"

Her question is stopped by a searing kiss. As it ends, JJ realizes Emily's hand is in her blouse. She leans back.

"Why, Mrs. Prentiss, I do believe you're trying to seduce me."

"Very astute, Mrs. Prentiss," Emily replies. "You must be an FBI agent."

Emily pulls JJ into another kiss as her free hand starts to open the slacks JJ wears. JJ never breaks the kiss as she resituates to straddle Emily. She shrugs out of her blouse and bra as Emily's hand slides between her legs. She moans and pulls out of the kiss to shove Emily's head to one aching breast.

"Oh, yes, Em," she moans as Emily starts to suck the offered nipple.

Emiy's hand starts to rub JJ's hard clit in the same rhythm as her mouth sucks. JJ thrusts against the hand. Just when she thinks she's going to come, JJ feels two fingers thrust into her. She arches against her wife.

"Yessss…oh, Emmm…"

Emily thrusts faster, sucks harder and finally she is rewarded as JJ comes. The blonde suppresses her scream since Francesca is downstairs. As she comes down from the high, Emily kisses her again.

"I love you, Jennifer. And I promise: I'm not running away from you or Henry or the FBI. I'm fighting my own demons and Straus to be a woman worthy of you."

JJ kisses her again. "I love you so much. Thank you for trusting me enough to stay."

After one more kiss, they gets out of the tub. JJ looks down at her ruined clothes. "You know, these pants were dry-clean only."

"I'll buy you new ones because, baby, I am soooo not sorry for what I just did," Emily replies with a smug grin.


	6. Chapter 6

Since Emily has the day off (wanted or not) she gets up early with Henry on Friday morning so JJ can sleep in an extra half hour. He keeps up a steady stream of happy babble. How could Emily have ever been afraid to be in his life?

"Well, Henry, are you looking forward to seeing Grandma and Granpa tonight? I am. And you'll get to ring in your first New Year's. But sorry, Champ, no champagne for you. You have to be at least five for that," she says with a wink.

"I'm sure you meant 25, woman," JJ says from behind Emily.

Emily turns with a grin. "I thought you were sleeping in?"

"I did, too. But a certain kitten decided my toes were aliens out to attack me. His teeth are sharp. Nearly sent me through the headboard," JJ says with a chuckle.

Emily laughs and lifts Henry up. "Ouch. Sorry about that." She walks over to give JJ a kiss and let her greet their son. "Mommy needs some extra love this morning, Champ. Make it a good kiss."

He giggles as if he understands. JJ takes him and he gives her a kiss on the cheek and clutches her shoulders in a tight little hug. JJ buries her face in his shoulder. "Ooo…good hug, Henry. You always make me feel better."

He sits back and cackles as if to say, "Of course I do, Mommy." She gives him another kiss as Emily wraps an arm around both of them.

"Why don't you hold him a second while I go down to get you a cup of coffee? Then I'll take him down for breakfast."

"Sounds like a good plan," JJ agrees. She moves to the rocking chair as Emily heads downstairs. As she pours JJ's coffee, her mind wanders to her doctor's appointment later that morning. What will Westfallen want to concentrate on? Lord knows Emily gave her plenty to choose from. A long-forgotten memory hits her out of nowhere.

* * *

**"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss you will put that dress on and act like a lady! You will _not_embarrass your father and me."**

**"I don't want to go to the fucking party! You'll only want me around for, like, 10 minutes and it's stupid to get all dressed up for that!" the 16 year old complains.**

**Elizabeth Prentiss stares at her headstrong daughter. "Young lady, this is not a request it's a requirement. If you ever want to spend time with your friends again you had best do it and be on your best behavior!"**

**"Friends? I don't _have_ friends! The only people who might have been my friends are in Italy! I keep getting dragged all over the fucking world! How the hell can I have friends when we keep leaving? And we're in fucking Russia! Where the hell am I going to go if I had them anyway! I hate this life! I hate that dress! And I hate _you_!"**

**Emily turns and runs out of the room. Elizabeth stares after her. Though her mask remains firmly in place, her daughter's words had hurt.**

**Emily slams the door to her room and flops down on the bed. It is old and lumpy. She hates it. She stares at her school books. She hates when her parents brag about her good grades but she knows if she wants to get out of the ridiculous world they inhabit she'll have to make her own path in the world. She grabs her American History book and starts to read the chapter assigned for the weekend. She barely looks up as her father walks into her room.**

**"I hear you got a little upset with your mother, Emily."**

**Emily rolls her eyes. "I'm not going to the dumb event, Father. Just drop it."**

**"Emily, we have an image to uphold and—"**

**Wrong tactic. Emily sits up furiously "YOU have an image to uphold! Not ME! I don't care what those pompous, arrogant, spoiled bastards think!"**

**"Emily, darling, it is about you, too. You're a young lady now. There will be plenty of young men from good families and, who knows, one could be your future husband. You have to start thinking about your future, Emily."**

**"Father, I'm a fucking lesbian! Unless those good families have daughters I won't be merging with them!"**

**Gerald stares at his daughter for a moment. He sees the blush cross her cheeks as she realizes what she has said. But he also sees in her eyes that she is not saying this to be obstinate. He slowly stands. Without another word he walks out of the room.**

**Emily flops back down onto the bed. "Oh my God…" she mutters. "I just came out to my father. They're going to kill me."**

* * *

"Emily? I think the creamer and sugar are mixed in," JJ says from behind the brunette.

Emily glances down at the coffee mug in front of her. It takes her a second to recognize that she'd been stirring the coffee for at least 10 minutes. She slowly turns and looks at her wife and son. JJ's smile fades when she sees the tears on Emily's cheeks.

"Oh, baby. What's wrong?"

The sob escapes Emily before she can stop it. JJ closes the gap between them and wraps her free arm around Emily. Emily cries onto her shoulder. Henry, frowning because his Mama is upset, just pats her shoulder, offering as much comfort as he can.

"Em, sweetheart, talk to me. What's happened, baby?"

"I was…was so mean…such a bi—bitch," Emily stutters out.

JJ is confused. "Honey, I don't understand. When?"

Emily takes a couple of deep breaths and tells her about the memory that had swept over her. As she concludes she leans back and looks into JJ's eyes.

"How did they ever forgive me? I was terrible! And that was the start of it. I was absolutely horrible to them for the next two years, until I went off to Yale. How did I ever get them back in my life?"

JJ smiles compassionately. "Emily, a lot of what happened back then was the fault of all 3 of you. You existed around each other but didn't interact on any real level. Talk to them the next time you see them about that day. I'll bet it haunts them, too."

Emily slowly nods. "Yeah. Maybe." She takes a deep breath. "I guess I also know what to talk to Westfallen about today. I think that's the day I started compartmentalizing my emotions. I never wanted anyone to know anything about me ever again." She strokes JJ's cheek. "Not until you. I wanted…I _want_ you to know everything about me, Jen. The good and the bad. I hope you'll continue to stick it out while I go through all this sh—" she glances at Henry, "uh…stuff."

JJ smiles and lifts Emily's left hand, kissing the wedding band on it. "Now and always, Emily. I love you."

The two share a gentle kiss, both getting sloppy kisses from Henry, too. As it ends, Emily takes Henry.

"Um, your coffee is ready. Hope it's not cold," she says with an embarrassed grin.

JJ smiles. "It will be fine. Thank you, baby."

JJ grabs the coffee mug and heads back upstairs to get ready. Emily looks at Henry. "So, do you want mush for breakfast or mush?" He smiles and waves his hand. She nods. "Good. Mush it is."

She sits him in his highchair and sets about making porridge for her son.


	7. Chapter 7

At 9 a.m. Emily sits down in Dr. Westfallen's office. She takes a deep breath. "Well, have you decided where we should start today?"

Westfallen smiles. "That's not my call. Do you know?"

Emily slowly nods. "As Glinda the Good Witch said, 'It's always best to start at the beginning.'"

Westfallen nods. "True. So, what is the beginning in your mind, Emily?"

Emily tells her doctor about the memory that had virtually attacked her this morning. When she finishes, she still has the same question she had posed to JJ. "How the hell did they forgive me after that? After all that followed? God, I was such a horrible person."

Westfallen sits forward. "Emily, you were a teenager. Granted, you probably went through a harder childhood than others with all the moving and losing your peer support group, but that fight with your parents, and the attitude issues that followed, are rather common. What is uncommon, is for 3 people who seem to be living such emotionally separate lives to come back together. You must be very strong individuals."

Emily smiles proudly. "Yes, we are."

"Which means you're very strong as a collective," Westfallen points out simply.

Emily frowns. "I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess we are. I do know I'm thankful that the two people I know now are back in my life." She chuckles. "Did I tell you they're dating again?" Westfallen grins. "How weird is that?"

"Not weird. Cute. Emily, I want you to think about this: if they can overcome all their demons, you can overcome yours. Blood really does play an important role in who we are."

Emily nods. "I know. I've always credited them, to myself at least, for my strength of mind and spirit. I just never thought I'd have to the chance to thank them in person."

"I'm glad you do. So, what else do you think we should discuss today?"

Emily sits back and rubs a hand down her face. "I…I don't know if I can discuss what I really need to."

"You can talk to me about anything, Emily. It's just between us."

"No, I mean I really don't know if I can. I swore an oath to secrecy to protect myself and others." Emily knows in her heart she needs to discuss her time as Lauren Reynolds. It's the only thing that will help Westfallen understand why killing in the line of duty is harder on her than on others.

Westfallen watches the play of emotions on Emily's face. Though she tries to keep a professional distance she finds herself feeling for the struggle this strong woman is fighting. "Emily, I'll promise you what I promised Jennifer. I won't write down anything you feel shouldn't be documented. And anything I do document, I can code so no one knows what it's really about."

Emily raises an eyebrow. "You can do that?"

Westfallen chuckles. "My office, my rules."

Emily smiles. "Right. Of course. Well, a few years back I did a stint deep undercover. For two years I lived as a woman name Lauren Reynolds. She was a weapons dealer and…and her endgame was another weapons dealer named Ian Doyle. She spent 9 months establishing herself in the market before finally making the contact that lead her to Doyle. They started out as business associates but…but it went farther. She…she became his lover. And, ultimately, his betrayer. She did terrible things during that time. Horrible things. I know people died because of her actions. And…and how do I live with that?"

To say Westfallen is shocked is an understatement. The brief recap of that time in Emily's life is amazing. The fact that she refers to Lauren Reynolds as if she's another person is rather disturbing.

"Emily, when you picture Lauren Reynolds in your mind, do you recognize that she is you?"

Emily has to think about the answer to that question. She shrugs. "Yes and no. I know that I was portraying her. But…but she was such…such a different person than me on so many levels that it's easy to see her as someone else. She is me but isn't." She flops against the back of the couch. "Oh, shit…go ahead and tell me I'm fucking nuts, Doc."

Westfallen smiles. "You're not nuts, Emily. I promise. But I think for a lot of years you have shoved your Lauren persona into one of those compartments you tell me about. For some reason she's now trying to get out. Now, I don't think you're about to throw your life away to become her again. But I think there are a lot of things she did you never dealt with. You, Emily Prentiss, have a wonderful life right now. And I think you are suddenly dwelling on Lauren because you don't think you deserve it. Emily, whatever you did as Lauren, you did for the good of your country; of the world from the sounds of it. You shouldn't let guilt over her actions destroy your happiness. You deserve happiness."

"I…I do?" Emily asks weakly.

"Yes, Emily, you do. Do me a favor, carry a note pad around with you. Anytime you feel Lauren's actions getting to you, jot down one good thing about your life now that counteracts that negative memory. Bring it with you next time and we'll see what we can come up with. In the meantime, remember: the good things in your life right now are deserved. You don't need to feel guilty for being happy."

Emily wipes the tears that leak down her cheeks. Could she fucking cry any more? She slowly nods. "Thank you, Dr. Westfallen."

"Think you could get in here on Tuesday?"

Emily nods. "As far as I know I'll still be suspended so yeah, I can be here. Monday is a holiday so I doubt Straus will head to Dallas until Tuesday at the earliest. And I'm sure she'll drag her heels clearing me anyway. So, what time?"

"How does 9 a.m. sound again?"

Emily nods and stands. "Sounds good." She extends her hand. "Thank you, Dr. Westfallen. I really appreciate everything you've done for me and for Jennifer."

"My pleasure. Have a Happy New Year, Emily. Doctor's orders," she adds with a wink.

Emily chuckles. "Yes, Doctor. You, too."

Emily leaves the office and climbs into her SUV. She looks at herself in the rearview mirror.

"You deserve happiness, Emily. To think you don't insults Jen just as much as it insults you. Remember that," she cautions herself.

With a sigh she turns on the engine and heads for home. Along the way, she detours to a small park. She needs time to think about something good before she gets home. She wants to go in as mentally clean as can be for her son's sake.

Her son…she remembers when that started to become a possibility for her.

* * *

**JJ stares into Emily's eyes. She brings a hand up to the tall woman's cheek, her thumb brushing just under the bruise left by Cyrus' fist.**

**"I hate that you hurt," JJ says.**

**Emily grins. "Me, too. But knowing you feel the same way about me that I feel about you makes all the pain go away."**

**Emily leans down and captures JJ's lips in another kiss. This one deeper, full of lust and desire but also love. As it ends, Emily stares into JJ's eyes.**

**"Are you…I mean…can you…?" she runs her hand over JJ's stomach unable to ask the question.**

**JJ smiles and takes Emily's hand. She leads her upstairs to the bedroom. JJ kisses Emily deeply, her hands going under the sweater the taller woman wears. Emily moans at the contact. JJ eases back and looks into Emily's eyes.**

**"Please…make love to me," she whispers.**

**Emily's clit hardens and she feels a rush of wet between her legs. She slowly carefully, undresses JJ. Her hands worship each bit of newly exposed skin. JJ is even more beautiful that Emily had imagined…and yes, she had imagined many times.**

**"God, Jen, you are so beautiful." She leans down and kisses JJ again, allowing her hands to caress the blonde's back and sides; loving the feel of JJ's breasts pushed tightly to hers. **

**When the kiss ends, JJ smiles. "My turn."**

**She undresses Emily. Smiling at the small, kanji tattoo on Emily's shoulder and the one on her hip. She looks at the brunette.**

**"What do they mean?"**

**"The one on my shoulder means 'strength' and the other one means 'alone'."**

**JJ pulls her close. "You'll need to get that one covered. You'll never be alone again."**

**Emily smiles and kisses JJ once more, using the moment to back her towards the bed. JJ sits down and Emily kneels in front of her. She brings her mouth to JJ's chest, worshiping the supple breasts with kisses and licks. JJ moans, her legs spreading, eager for more from Emily.**

**"Oh, please, Emily. No teasing. I've needed you for so long. Please—Oh!"**

**JJ's hips thrust as Emily brings a hand up her thigh and into the wetness coating the blonde's curls. Emily groans, feeling the hard clit and swollen folds hidden below. She kisses her way down JJ's stomach. JJ lays back on the bed as Emily lifts the blonde's legs up over her shoulders.**

**"Is this okay?" Emily asks.**

**"Yes…more than okay," JJ whispers. She knows she won't last long.**

**Emily brings her mouth to JJ's center.**

**"OH, YES!" JJ screams as Emily's tongue dances around her clit and into her depths. Her hips buck as she tries to get closer to Emily's talented tongue. Just when she thinks she couldn't feel more, Emily slides one finger deep inside. "FUCK! YES!"**

**Emily smiles. She feels her own hips twitching as she starts to thrust into JJ, letting the blonde set the pace with her hips. Feeling JJ about to explode, she gently nips the hard clit and is rewarded with JJ's essence as the woman's hips pound relentlessly up and down in the throws of an intense orgasm. As it ends, JJ grabs Emily by the hair, pulling her up onto the bed.**

**Emily had expected JJ to be tired, to be sated. But the blonde woman wants her chance to feel all Emily has to offer. They kiss passionately, JJ moaning again as she tastes herself on Emily. She ends the kiss but before Emily can catch a breath, JJ's mouth latches on to one hard nipple. Tongue and teeth tease it mercilessly as she also sucks on it.**

**"Oh, yes, Jen! Oh, you can make me come just doing that. Oh, fuck, yeah, Jen. Please! I need more," Emily is practically begging.**

**JJ can't wait; can't tease. Her hand slides between them and immediately enters into the panting brunette. Emily is reduced to guttural sounds as JJ thrusts deeper and faster, her mouth never stopping its' torture of Emily's breast. In no time, JJ is rewarded as a scream rips from Emily's throat and she experiences the most intense orgasm she's ever felt. **

**Spent, she stares up at the smiling blonde above her. JJ sits up and brings her hand up to her lips, licking Emily's juices from each finger. Emily's hips thrust as she comes again just from that sight. She runs her hands over JJ's hips.**

**"Even better than I imagined," Emily whispers. "I've wanted you for so long, Jen. I thought I'd lost my chance with you."**

**JJ leans down and kisses Emily again. "I thought the same. I'm sorry about…Will and how long that—"**

**"Shhh!" Emily says, covering JJ's mouth with a finger. "You're having his child, Jen. You had to try to make it work. I understand. Please tell me this isn't just one night. Please tell me this isn't a dream."**

**"It's not a dream, Emily. And I don't want this to be just one night. I meant it when I said I wanted us to have a chance. I feel complete with you. This is the first night of us. But it's not the last."**

**They get turned around in the bed. They make love again. This time slowly, learning each other's bodies. After JJ finally falls asleep, Emily lies staring at her, the moonlight bathing her in a golden halo.**

**"I love you, Jennifer," she whispers, knowing her lover won't hear it. She didn't want to scare Jen by getting too serious too soon but Emily knows with all that she has that she loves Jennifer Jareau and wants to spend the rest of her life with this amazing woman.**

* * *

Emily glances down at the clock. It's just about 11 and she won't be seeing JJ until sometime after 2. Emily laughs at herself.

"Of all the memories to choose to clear your head, you choose the one that ignites your libido. Smart, Prentiss."

She keys the ignition and heads for home. If she's lucky, JJ will get away from Quantico early…and they can _both_ get lucky before heading to Pennsylvania.

* * *

**A/N: The flashback references the scene in my story "72 Hours" when JJ flashes back to the night inspired after the events in episode 4x03 "Minimal Loss". Gee, could I make it any more convoluted? :o)**


	8. Chapter 8

JJ drops her briefcase on the desk and wakes up her computer. She flips through the stack of folders she finds in her inbox, smiling as she sees each team member had quickly gotten their reports for the Dallas case turned in. Well, each member except Emily. She shakes her head as she heads to the kitchenette to get another cup of coffee. She finds Rossi already there.

"Wow, you're in early," she says to him.

When he turns she sees the bags under his eyes. It's obvious he hasn't slept. "Couldn't sleep," he tells her unnecessarily.

"I can tell." She steps closer and lays a hand on his arm. "She'll be okay, Rossi. She's not just fighting Straus she's finally facing her own issues. She'll probably come out stronger in the end."

"I hope so. But will she ever forgive me?"

JJ squeezes his arm. "Yes. Rossi, she loves you. You know that. She was just upset about what happened to me and you were an easy target for her anger."

"An easy and apt target," he points out.

"No! Dave, listen to me, none of this was your fault. Her suspension is Straus' fault, my capture was my own dumb luck, and her anger is her problem. And she knows that last part. She's getting help. I promise you."

"I hope so. I know she's got her father back but I kind of liked being that figure for her. I didn't realize how much I'd miss it if it was taken from me," he admits.

JJ smiles. "Trust me. She misses it, too. She just has so much going on right now she's turned all inside out. She'll get around to you soon, though. I have no doubt about that."

Rossi smiles and clinks his mug against JJ's. "Thanks, kid."

She nods. "Any time."

"Ah, there you are, Agent Jareau. We need to talk again," Straus says, interrupting them.

JJ sighs. "Yes, ma'am. On my way."

Straus nods and heads back towards her office. Rossi looks JJ in the eye.

"Be strong, Jennifer. And if you need anything, let me know."

JJ nods, comforted by the support. She heads to the chief's office wondering what the heck is going on now.

"Ma'am?" JJ says from the door. Straus doesn't answer just directs her towards the seat in front of her desk.

Straus closes the office door before moving to her desk. She sits down and opens a folder on the center of her desk. She peruses it a moment. JJ fights the urge to roll her eyes. She knows Straus knows exactly what the papers say she's just using this as an intimidation tactic. The team uses it on unsubs all the time. JJ, however, won't be scared by it. Finally Straus closes the folder.

"Can you tell me why you turned down a promotion?"

JJ is stunned. This was not what she'd expected. "I didn't turn down a promotion. I turned down an offer to work at the Pentagon. I'm happy where I am; doing what I do. I have no desire to be a desk jockey."

Straus raises an eyebrow at the subtle dig. "Agent Jareau, the position is stable, a significant salary increase, and your travel would be minimal. There are many reasons you should reconsider."

"With all due respect, ma'am, whether or not I take a job offer is none of your business. The salary is not a concern, nor is the travel now that we have a nanny. As to stable, so is my job right now."

"Stable? Being kidnapped by an unsub twice in recent months is stable, Agent Jareau? Did you ever stop to consider your son when th—"

"Don't. You. Dare!" JJ sits forward in her seat. "Don't you dare try to use my son against me! I've made my choice! Would we be having this discussion if I was a man? I don't think so. So unless you want me to file a sexual discrimination charge against you with H.R. you will forget all about me taking that position. Is there anything else you need…ma'am?"

Straus closes the folder. "I'm just trying to help you, Agent Jareau. I wish you could see that."

JJ laughs humorlessly. "Bullshit! When have you ever done anything to help this team? We have the best fucking record in the BAU and you are continuously doing things to undermine us. You could hang your hat on our accomplishments but instead you try to hang us." JJ stands. "Excuse me. I have work to do."

JJ barrels out of the office before Straus can respond. She gets to her office and slams the door shut behind her. She had not noticed Rossi and Hotch standing down the hall talking. The men exchange a look and move to her office. Hotch knocks tentatively on the door. It opens and JJ walks out, her briefcase in her hand.

"Oh, fuck," Hotch mumbles. "Did she suspend you, too?"

"No. At least, not yet. But I'm taking the whole fucking day. She can kiss my fucking ass."

She pushes past both men and heads for the elevator. As it opens, Reid steps out.

"Hey, Jayje, guess what? I've got—uh, Jayje?"

She angrily slaps the button to close the doors. Reid just stares dumbfounded where JJ had once stood. Hotch walks up and lays a hand on Reid's shoulder.

"Why does everyone seem pissed when I get off the elevator lately?" The genius asks in confusion.

Hotch just grins. "Trust me. It's not you."

When JJ gets to her Camry she takes a few deep breaths to try to calm herself. Emily is going to be even more pissed at Straus. What a great fucking end to the year.

* * *

Straus is in her office writing up the suspension order for JJ when her phone rings. She answers without looking at the caller ID since it's on her direct line.

"Chief Straus."

"Chief Straus, I hope you had a good Christmas."

Straus straightens self-consciously in her seat when she hears Director Ryder. Yes, it was nice, thank you, sir. I hope yours was the same."

"Yes it was. But then I got a call late yesterday that disturbed me. Seems one of my unit chiefs is questioning the actions of the Dallas Police Internal Affairs Bureau and their police commissioner. Seems one of my profiling teams went down there and helped the police stop a serial killer that had only been known for 2 days. Pretty damn impressive, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, yes, sir, but—" Straus sputters.

"But while they were there a very unfortunate incident occurred. Agent Prentiss had to discharge her firearm in defense of her partner. Sadly, a teenager was killed. I'm sure you've made sure Agent Prentiss is coping with such a tragic shooting."

"Uh, yes…of course, sir."

"Luckily, the police investigation cleared her of any wrong doing. So tell me, Chief Straus, why exactly are you calling their findings wrong?"

"I—I'm not, sir. I simply felt that we should check things out ourselves to show that…that the Bureau doesn't take lightly to our agents shooting children."

"He was a junkie and he'd have killed one of our agents. And just so you know, Chief, the Bureau doesn't take kindly to Unit Chiefs questioning the findings of the locals. Make this right, Erin. Today."

Straus takes a deep breath, trying to quell the fury inside. "Yes. Sir."

Straus hangs up the phone. She rips up the suspension she'd been writing up. She knows better than to try that now. She stares at her phone a moment, then makes a decision. She sends an email to Emily, cc'ed to Hotch. It is short and to the point.

"Suspension over. Return to work on Tuesday. Agent Hotchner will have your credentials."

She hits send. When she sees the confirmation that email has gone, she opens her bottom drawer and stares at the three bottles in there. She finally reaches for the bourbon. She doesn't even bother with a glass, taking a long swig straight from the bottle before adding some more to her coffee.

She takes her mug and moves to the window of her office. She is furious and knows she won't be getting much work done the rest of the day.

* * *

When Director Ryder hangs up the phone, he looks at the woman sitting across his desk.

"I really am sorry, Elizabeth. I had no idea she had done this. Emily should be getting a commendation not a suspension after that."

"I agree. But I knew you'd make it right, Bill. And out of curiosity, what are the chances of getting that woman transferred. Emily's team is one of your best yet she's always doing things to undermine them," she echoes JJ's words unknowingly.

"I need to look into a few things. I promise you, Elizabeth, I will conduct a discreet investigation into her actions regarding Emily's BAU team."

"Thank you, Bill." She stands to go. "It was good to see you again. I'm sorry you won't be able to make it tonight."

He smiles. "Family poker game to ring in the New Year. It's a fun tradition and one I don't want to give up while everyone is still enjoying it."

She smiles. "I don't blame you. Happy New Year."

"To you, too. Tell Gerald I said hello."

Elizabeth nods and leaves. She, too, will be conducting a discreet investigation into Straus. The woman had it in for Emily and Emily's team. Straus had no idea the dragon she had awakened by suspending Emily Prentiss.


	9. Chapter 9

JJ pulls into her parking space at the condo just after 9 a.m. She is not surprised to see the Lexus gone and doesn't expect to see Emily for a little while. She heads upstairs and finds Francesca washing the dishes from that morning. When she sees JJ, she looks upset.

"Oh, cara! Not you, as well?"

JJ chuckles. "Nope. Well, at least not yet. After my outburst earlier it _could_happen but for now it's just me taking the whole day instead of a partial day."

"Oh, thank goodness. Our Emily would not be happy if you were also…oh, what's the word…suspensioned?"

JJ smiles kindly. "Suspended. But close enough."

"Ah, yes. Well, I'm glad it's not that."

"I need to throw a couple loads in to wash. After I'm done if you want you can go ahead and take off for the weekend," JJ offers. "I know you're looking forward to seeing your cousin in Delaware."

"If you are sure, I would love to get going early. I still worry about the weather turning."

JJ nod. "No problem. Let me get those loads and head down to the laundry room. I am really looking forward to the house mostly for the fact that the washer and dryer will be handy."

Francesca nods in agreement. JJ heads upstairs and quickly gathers the clothes she wants to wash. With the house closing on Sunday she hopes this will be the last time she has to worry about going down to the basement to do the laundry. She suddenly stops, her stomach tripping.

"Oh my God…we're buying a house on Sunday," she mumbles as she drops down onto the bed. "We can't afford a house like that on our salaries. Wait…Prentiss trusts. Right. So money's not a big deal. But it's huge! We've only got one son. But Emily may have a baby in the next year. And then I could have one. Oh, God…how the heck will we manage so many kids? Sometimes Henry is too much." She flops backwards onto the bed. "What the hell are we thinking?"

She doesn't realize how long she's laid there and may have laid there the rest of the day if Francesca hadn't come to see what was taking her so long.

"Are you okay, Jennifer?"

JJ slowly sits up. The nanny sees the stunned look on her face. "We're buying a house, Francesca. A huge, fucking house. What the heck are we thinking?"

Francesca starts to chuckle. "Emily had wondered when the…oh, what did she call it…oh, yes…the buyer's remorse would hit you."

JJ manages a grin. "She knew?"

"Of course, cara. She knew at some point you would get scared. She said if she was not here to tell you to stop worrying. Everything will be okay as long as you have each other and Henry. And room for any little Jennifer's and Emily's that come along."

JJ laughs and shakes her head. "She thinks she's so smart."

"Not smart. Just loves you so much she knows you've had issues with the whole 'Prentiss thing' as she called it. She wants only to make you happy," Francesca says giving JJ a hug.

"She does make me happy, Francesca. Happier than I've ever been in my life." JJ stands and smiles. "Okay, I think I'm better. Thanks for checking on me and passing on her message. I'm going to take this laundry down now. I promise to hurry back up."

She takes the two loads downstairs and gets them started. When she gets back upstairs she sees Francesca walking out.

"Emily just got home." She pulls JJ into a hug. "Have a very happy time with your parents, cara."

"Thank you. And you have fun with your cousin. Call us if you need bail money," she finishes with a wink.

Francesca laughs and heads to her condo to get ready to leave. JJ heads into her condo to find her wife and son. She hears Emily singing over the baby monitor and heads upstairs to the nursery. She stands in the doorway watching as Emily rocks Henry to sleep. JJ's heart swells. How could she have had any doubts about their future?

Emily senses her wife and looks up. She never stops singing as Henry is close to sleep. She locks eyes with JJ. Francesca had told her about JJ's minor panic attack. Emily just winks, her smile telling her everything is okay. When Henry is fully asleep, Emily stands and places him in his crib. She extends her hand to JJ who walks over and takes it.

"It will be okay, Jen. Henry won't be alone in that house for long. We can start working on that soon." She gives JJ a gentle kiss.

JJ draws Emily closer, making the kiss deeper. When it ends, she stares into Emily's eyes. "We've got time before Henry wakes up and the laundry is done. Why don't we start working on that now?"

Emily grins, her eyes darkening with desire. "After the morning I had, sounds perfect."

* * *

Three hours later JJ goes down to get the clothes out of the dryer. Emily finishes packing Henry's toys and things and takes them down to the entryway. Once JJ gets back upstairs, Emily takes their luggage down to the Lexus. When she gets back upstairs she finds JJ staring at her Blackberry.

"Jen? Everything okay?"

JJ chuckles. "Uh, have you checked your email today?"

Emily grunts. "Hell no. Why?"

"You're not suspended any more."

"What?" Emily takes JJ's phone and reads the email forwarded from Hotch. "What the hell?"

JJ shrugs. "I have no idea. And Hotch doesn't seem to know either. I guess we'll find out Tuesday."

"Oh. Tuesday. Damn," Emily mutters. JJ looks at her questioningly. "I figured I was still suspended so I made another appointment with Dr. Westfallen. And, Jen, she's really helping. I don't want to miss it."

JJ smiles. "Tell Hotch. He'll understand."

Emily nods, biting her lip. She's still not sure. JJ walks over and takes Emily's hand. "Em, he wants what's best for you. Don't forget he approved you to take a leave of absence."

Emily slowly nods. "Right. Right. Okay. Right. Maybe I can do that."

"Emily, look at me." Emily complies. "Whatever you decide to do, Hotch and I will both have your back. The whole team will. Do what's best for you, sweetheart. We love you and just want you to be okay."

Emily smiles. "I'll think it over this weekend." She pulls JJ close. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

JJ grins proudly. "You screamed it several times a little while ago. Thanked God for me a couple times, too."

Emily laughs and pulls her closer. "You're right, I did. Well let me say it again when my eyes aren't rolling back in my head." She cups JJ's cheek. "I love you, Jennifer Prentiss."

"I love you, too, Emily Prentiss."

The two share a couple of deep kisses then finish getting ready. Taking a still sleepy Henry to the Lexus, they hit the road to spend the new year with JJ's family.


	10. Chapter 10

The trio is barely out of the city before JJ follows Henry into dreamland. Emily just chuckles. Sometimes she wishes her vehicle wasn't quite so comfortable. It would be nice to chat with her wife a little on the drive. Left to her own devices, Emily listens to her Ipod through the stereo…and lets her mind wander.

* * *

**"It's a set up, Clyde. Be ready to bust us out of there," Emily whispers to the man posing as a priest.**

**"It's not a set up, darling. Trust me. Everything is fine," Clyde responds, pretending to bless her.**

**"Damn it, Clyde, listen to me! Marcos never does these deals in person. If he's suddenly decided to be there it's because he plans to kill off his competition. He likes to look rivals in the eyes as he kills them." She glances around to confirm once more that they are alone. "I'm telling you, Clyde, have the fucking forces ready to get in there. We are one step away from Valhalla. If he kills us, you're task force is back to square one…and I've eliminated most of the other squares."**

**Clyde bounces on the balls of his feet. Emily was getting too antsy. She was going to blow the operation if she didn't lose the paranoia. To satisfy her, he nods.**

**"Okay. We'll be ready. But don't be so sure he's going to kill you that you blow the God damn case! Make sure you play it out, Lauren."**

**"I will. But I swear, Clyde, you don't back us up, I'll live long enough to kill you. I don't want to lose my men!"**

**She stands to go but he grabs her arms. "Your men? Lauren, you _do_remember that your 'men' are murderers and thieves, right? The only friendly in that building will be you."**

**She pulls her arm away. "If you expect me to take down Valhalla I need the men I've learned to trust. They may be thieves and murderers but they are _my_thieves and murderers."**

**She storms out of the church. She knew a set up when she smelled one. And if Clyde didn't come through for her, she'd better be prepared to defend her team herself.**

**Two days later she walks into an empty warehouse. Marcos San Mejia stands with four of his men. He wears a conceited grin on his face.**

**"Lauren Reynolds. It's a pleasure to finally meet you," he says extending his hands.**

**She stops too far away to take it. "I'd say the same but since I don't see my order here I'd be lying. Where are my weapons, Marcos?"**

**He chuckles. "Oh, there was a bit of a change in delivery plans. You see, another dealer offered me more and I had to take him up on it."**

**Emily sneers. "Valhalla."**

**Marcos nods. "Impressive, Ms. Reynolds. You know your competitors well."**

**"Only the ones worth knowing. I guess since our little arrangement is over I'll have to deal directly with him now."**

**"Oh, really? And what makes you think you'll live to—"**

**An explosion blows out the wall behind him. As expected, he and his men are stunned. Emily turns and races for the door but bullets strike her in the back, sending her to the ground. Her men pour in the door and in the hole in the wall they had made in the back of the building. A massive gun fight ensues. Her right hand, Billy Pasteur sees her down and races towards her.**

**"NO! BILLY STAY BACK!" she orders.**

**But she has instilled loyalty in her men. They know she'd risk her life for theirs and they are willing to do likewise. He races towards her as another man lays down cover fire. They don't see Marcos' gun man enter from a side door. Emily watches as Billy's body is riddled with machine gun fire. Ignoring the pain in her body, she pulls her side arm and shoots the assassin in the head. She spins, shooting back towards Marcos and his men.**

**The fight seems to Emily to take forever but it was really over in less than 10 minutes. She crawls over to Billy but he is long gone. She rips off her sweater and shrugs out of the double-Kevlar vest she had worn. Struggling to her feet she tells her now-ranking lieutenant to check on the rest of the team. She makes her way to Marcos and stares down at his body. She searches his jacket until she finds what she needs. She pulls out a small matchbook, a four leaf clover on the front.**

**"Son of a bitch. The next step is back in America."**

**She returns to her men and they quickly vacate the facility. At the door, she turns and takes one last look at Billy. He had come to her as a naïve young man looking for adventure on the wrong side of the law. He had proven to be a quick learner and a loyal follower, often stepping in when anyone questioned a woman as head of the gang. He had been with her from the start. And now he was gone.**

**"I'm sorry, my friend," she whispers.**

**She heads out with her men. Billy was their only loss because she had trusted her instincts. And now…now she would make plans to go to Boston to meet the man that can lead her to Valhalla. Yes, Ian Doyle would be the last step before her main quarry.**

**Two days later she returns to the church Clyde uses as his cover. When he gets to his office at 8 a.m. he is slammed into the wall face first.**

**"I told you it was a set up and now Billy is dead. You may as well have killed him yourself, Clyde. I got shot in the back. Damn good thing I wore two Kevlar vests instead of one. You were supposed to have my back. You didn't. I won't forget."**

**She releases him and he slowly turns around. "I swear, Lauren, we had nothing but your word to say—"**

**"And you should have trusted my word! God damn it, Clyde, I'm the one who's ass is out there, not you. Not Sean. Not anyone fucking else! I won't forget this Clyde. Ever." She steps back towards the door. "I'll be heading to Boston. I have a man that can get me to Ian Doyle."**

**Clyde's jaw drops. "You're serious? You're finally getting to Doyle?"**

**"Yes. And before you ask, yes I fucking remember what he likes. I'll be the bitch he can't forget. And maybe when it's time to take him down, you'll actually be there for me."**

**Before Clyde says another word, Emily turns and storms out.**

* * *

"How the hell did we not know Doyle and Valhalla were the same person?" Emily wonders aloud. "Or did Clyde know all along?"

"What?"

Emily glances over and sees JJ is awake. The brunette looks at the clock and sees she's been lost in memories for 2 hours. She blushes.

"Uh, nothing. Just…mind wandering," Emily mutters.

JJ studies her wife. She sees Emily has the same jittery look she had when she told JJ about her life as Lauren Reynolds. She reaches over and lays a hand on Emily's thighs.

"You mentioned Doyle. I can imagine they weren't happy wanderings. If you need to talk, I'm here for you. I love you, Emily."

Emily feels tears start to well in her eyes. She reaches down and squeezes the hand on her thigh. "Thank you, Jen. I love you, too."


	11. Chapter 11

When they arrive at the Jareau house, Sandy meets them at the car. As normal, she gets Henry out of his seat and is on her way back into the house with barely a hello to her daughter and daughter-in-law. JJ just laughs.

"Yeah, I love you, too, Mom!"

Alan helps Emily and JJ get the luggage and head into the house. He notices JJ winces as she swings the diaper bag up onto her shoulder. Before he can say anything, Emily does.

"Jen, let me get that or at least carry it by the hand straps."

JJ gets an irritated and stubborn look on her face. "I'm _fine_, Em."

Emily just shakes her head as the headstrong beauty heads inside, the bag still over her shoulder. Alan looks at Emily.

"Should I ask?"

Emily looks away. "I…she should…it was…a case thing. I'm guessing she didn't tell you all."

Alan raises an eyebrow, showing Emily where JJ gets the same expression. "No. She mentioned you were unfairly suspended after the case but that was all."

Emily nods. "Figures. Well, my suspension is over. And I promise, Alan, if she doesn't tell you what happened before we leave I will."

He nods. "Fair enough. Think she will?"

Emily chuckles. "Doubt it. But we'll give her a chance."

Just then JJ sticks her head out the door. "Did you two get lost? It's freezing outside. Get in here!"

"Yes, ma'am," Emily says with a salute. JJ just rolls her eyes as Alan chuckles.

A little while later, Emily is helping Sandy put together the snack trays that will be put out for the night. JJ and her brother are discussing the football playoffs which, to JJ's chagrin, will not feature her beloved Redskins…again. Shelby and Alan are playing dolls with Abby, while Henry plays with his new activity center and cackling at the barn sounds it makes. Emily smiles at him, love in her eyes.

"He's getting so big," Sandy says.

Emily nods, "Yeah, he is. He has such personality, too. He's going to be a mischievous little tyke. We're going to have our hands full."

Sandy chuckles. "Then he really is just like Jenny. I swear, that girl was always looking for the next way to torment her siblings. And then she would get the most angelic look on her face, as if she would _never_do such a thing."

Emily laughs. "Yeah, I can see that. Between you and me, not sure she's much better," she winks as Sandy chuckles. After a minute, Emily asks something that she had been pondering since her appointment with Westfallen. "Sandy…when she was a teen…was Jen ever just…just a horrible brat to you all?"

Sandy stops what she's doing, staring into space as if looking back in time. "No but…I think Mark and Jenny were the exceptions to that rule." She turns and leans back against the counter, looking Emily in the eyes. "This house was wounded for a lot of years after…after Amy…passed. Jen and Mark tormented each other as siblings would but heaven help anyone else who went at one of them. You picked a fight with one, you picked a fight with both. But I think a lot of their sibling issues were more of the grief process. They were very good to us compared to other teens because they didn't want us to hurt more than we were already hurting. This wasn't a normal teen household after Amy…killed herself. Jenny and Mark were no saints and we did have our bouts with them, but I know it would have been worse if we weren't all so aware of the pain of real loss. "

Emily reaches out her hand and takes Sandy's. "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't think…I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

Sandy squeezes Emily's hand. "It's okay. Can I assume you're asking because of some of the issues you're working through?"

Emily nods. "Yes. I was…God, I was a beast to my parents. The doc said that was normal for teens but I don't know. My last couple years of high school we were in Russia. I was home schooled and really had no friends. I was so angry. I finally got sent back to the States for the last half of my senior year to live with a friend of my parents and graduate from a regular high school. I really didn't interact with them that much. I was just a border at their house for the most part." She shakes her head. "I was so horrible I'm amazed my parents want anything to do with me."

Sandy pulls her into a hug. "Oh, honey, let me explain something to you: you will always be your parent's little girl. I heard Jen was a catalyst to bring your mother and you back together. But nothing she did would have worked if neither you nor your mother wanted it. And your father, well, he's just a hero in his own right when it comes to making amends. Take it from one parent to another: you never stop loving your children. And when they are the hardest to love, that's when you fight to love them the most."

Emily smiles, tears in her eyes. "Thank you. I really needed to hear that."

Just then JJ walks into the kitchen. She feels the emotion in the air. "Uh, everything okay?"

Emily turns, quickly wiping away the tears that had snuck down her cheeks. "Yes. Sure. Fine. Just…talking."

JJ looks from her wife, to her mother, who is also wiping away tears. She frowns. "Are you sure? You're both crying."

"I had a question about your teenage years," Emily explains. "Because of my doctor's appointment this morning. We got to tripping down memory lane and, well, blubbering occurs."

JJ smiles and nods. "Okay. Did Mom tell you I was a brat?"

Emily nods. "Oh, yeah. A real hellion. She was ready to sell you to a traveling circus."

Sandy laughs and swats Emily's arm. JJ just chuckles and rolls her eyes. "Remember that, babe, when you're sleeping in the SUV tonight," JJ warns her wife.

Emily reaches out and pulls JJ close. "Actually, she told me you and Mark were exceptions to the rule about teen terrors. Hopefully Henry and any others that follow will be as good as their mother."

JJ smiles. "Let's hope so. At least, this mother. I've heard horror stories from Elizabeth about you."

Emily grimaces and nods. "Yeah, I bet you have. I promise: if I see signs of similarities I'll warn you so we can look into boarding schools."

JJ laughs as Emily gives her a kiss. Sandy just chuckles, loving hearing her daughters talk about their future children.

That evening, the extended Jareau clan play Tripoli until it's time to catch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve. Emily grins.

"Wow! I haven't seen this since college!"

Mark looks at her in confusion. "What? How? It's been on since the 1800's!" he jokes.

Emily rolls her eyes. "Well, sometimes I was out of the country and other times I was at functions with my mother. In fact, I would have missed it, and all of this, again this year if she and my father hadn't started dating again." She winces. "Yeah, that's not getting easier to say."

Everyone laughs at her. Alan reaches over and takes her hand. "Well, we're glad to have you with us this year, Emily."

"I'm glad, too. Of course, I think you all are just happy to keep winning my pennies away from me."

Alan nods. "Yes, that's true. Very nice indeed."

As the countdown starts, Emily pulls JJ close and whispers. "I get to kiss my wife 'Happy New Year' for the first time ever, Mrs. Prentiss."

JJ smiles and strokes Emily's cheek. "For the first time…but definitely not the last, Mrs. Prentiss."

"Three—two—one—HAPPY NEW YEAR!" they hear Dick Clark call out.

Emily leans down and gives JJ a deep kiss, full of hope and promise. When it looks like it's not going to end, Mark rolls his eyes.

"Mom, get the ice bucket. Otherwise we may not get to wish JEmily a happy new year."

Emily and JJ laugh as they end the kiss. "JEmily?" the brunette questions.

Mark shrugs. "All the big celebs have merged names. Seems a good one for you two."

Emily nods. "Okay. I like it…Marlby. Or would you prefer Shark?"

The family laughs and exchanges hugs. Soon, they are cleaning up the snacks and heading to bed. In their room, Emily starts to undress her wife.

"So, there is an old saying that you should start the New Year doing what you want to do all year long." She kisses JJ deeply as she slips the blouse from her shoulders. She then looks into her eyes hungrily. "I want to do you."

JJ is also working to divest Emily of clothes. "Funny…that's my plan, too."

Soon they are both topless, their hands roaming each other's torso's. As Emily moves her hands to JJ's pants…Henry starts to cry. With groans, they break apart. JJ looks up at Emily.

"Why do I feel this may be the true harbinger of things to come?"

Emily just laughs as she grabs a tee shirt out of her suitcase. "You finish getting ready for me. I'll check on him."

JJ accepts the offer. When Emily comes back 20 minutes later, the blonde is naked…and snoring. Emily chuckles.

"Yep, if we have more kids, I pretty much think this is what's to come."

She quickly strips down and climbs into bed. She pulls JJ close and kisses her neck.

"I love you, Jennifer Prentiss," she whispers. Turning off the lamp, she follows her wife into slumber.

* * *

The next morning, JJ is getting dressed as Emily heads out of the room. She bumps into Sandy in the hallway.

"Is Jenny up?"

"Yep. Just got out of the shower."

"Good. Shelby and I are going to the store and I thought I'd see if she wanted to go."

Emily just nods and walks into the office where Henry's crib is set up. Sandy knocks on the door to JJ's room and then opens the door. She gasps as she sees the crisscrossed bruising on her daughter's back.

"Oh, God! Jenny!"

JJ spins around, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Sandy hurries in, shutting the door behind her.

"Jenny, what the hell happened? Turn around!"

"Uh, Mom, look it's…you don't need to…"

"Turn. Around." Sandy orders in a voice that brooks no argument.

Taking a steadying breath, JJ slowly turns around. Sandy runs her hands lightly over the bruising and slight cuts on her daughter's back. There is not a place on the woman's back that is not discolored. Sandy slowly turns her around. This time she sees the remnants of the burn on JJ's chest. Tears fill Sandy's eyes.

"Who hurt my baby?"

JJ can't look her mother in the eye. "I…I made him, Mom. He was hurting a little boy. I wanted him to hurt me, not Scotty. I'm sorry."

Sandy lifts JJ's head and stares into her eyes. "Sorry? Why would you be sorry for saving a little boy from that kind of torture?"

"I…I just didn't…I don't like scaring you, Mom. I didn't expect you to see."

"You weren't going to tell us, were you?" JJ shakes her head. "Oh, Jenny, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Your father and I know your job can be dangerous. But we know you are very good at your job and your team, including Emily, are top notch. We know you all do everything you can to protect each other and to protect innocents. Regardless of how good you are, we're always going to worry about you and be scared for you. When bad things happen, please tell us. We'd rather know than find out like this or some other way."

JJ slowly nods. "Okay," she whispers. "I'll try to be…more open about things. But sometimes…sometimes I'd just rather forget it and I don't want to see the look in your eyes I'm seeing now. Sometimes I think I'm selfish to do what I do. You've already lost one child maybe I shouldn't—"

"Stop! Stop that right now! Don't you make a decision to leave your job based on us or Amy. You are an FBI agent, Jennifer. And a damn good one. Look me in the eye and tell me you could be anything else."

JJ shrugs. "I…I can't. But isn't that selfish?"

Sandy smiles. "No, darling, it's following your calling. Don't you ever sell yourself short."

JJ smiles. "Thanks, Mom. I think I've needed to hear that for a while." She gives her mother a big, grateful hug. Finally she knows she made the right decision turning down the Pentagon appointment.

* * *

After spending Saturday and Sunday morning with the Jareau's, JJ and Emily had driven back to Northern Virginia and gone straight to the house they are purchasing that day. Henry would stay with his grandparents until his new room is ready for him. They do the final walk-through of the house with their realtor. As it ends, Emily looks at JJ.

"Well, babe? We ready to sign?"

JJ smiles confidently. "Yep, I'd say we are."

Wanda Orr smiles and leads the way back into the kitchen. A notary from her office waits for them. Emily pulls out the cashier's check for half the sale price of the house. The rest would be mortgaged just for tax reasons. Emily and JJ sign the mountain of paperwork. As they finish and the notary officiates the last form, Wanda smiles at them and hands them the keys.

"It's all yours."

JJ's smile fades as she sees the stunned look on Emily's face. "Em?"

"Oh my God, Jen…we own a house," Emily mutters.

JJ starts laughing. "You know, at least my panic attack came before the paperwork. You better get over the shock now because, baby, I don't think Wanda is going to give the check back."

Wanda and the notary laugh. Emily blushes and shakes her head. "Uh, right. Sorry. Just…I feel so grown up now. Scary."

Wanda and the notary leave. Emily pulls JJ close. "Today's the first day of the rest of our lives together, Jen. You, me, Henry, and any others to follow." She gives her wife a kiss. "I've made a decision. I'm going to work on Tuesday after my doctor's appointment. But then I'm going to get the paperwork done to take a leave of absence for a couple of weeks. I think I need to clear my head or I'm not going to be of any use to the team or, more importantly, to you."

JJ smiles. "I think that's a good idea."

"Plus, with the mover's arriving at the condo on Wednesday and getting everything over here on Thursday it probably makes sense. I know Francesca said she can deal with it but I think that's just not fair to her."

"I agree. I think it's a good thing all around."

"Now, we've got a lot more rooms to furnish. How about we head out tomorrow to start looking at things? Play room furniture being a big necessity," Emily suggests.

"Sounds perfect," JJ agrees. She tilts her head. "Um, what about the bedrooms?"

Emily smiles. "Well, we can start getting Henry's ready. But I think the other kids rooms should wait until we know who's going to be in them. Don't you?"

JJ smiles broadly. "Definitely."

They share another kiss and head out of their new house to start getting their old house ready for the move.


	12. Chapter 12

"So, did you follow my orders and have a Happy New Year?" Westfallen asks Emily.

Emily chuckles. "Yes, I really did. Best one I've ever had, in fact."

"Good. And the notepad?"

Emily pulls it out of her pocket. "Right here." She hands it over to the doctor.

Westfallen flips through it, smiling. She looks at Emily. "Seems a lot of the good things deal with your wife, your son and her family."

Emily smiles, nodding. "Definitely. Jen is the first person I've ever really let see me. And God knows I hid a lot from her but slowly she's finding out everything."

"I assume she knows about Lauren?"

Emily nods. "Yes. And it worries her that I talk about Lauren like she's another person. But she's made it clear to me that in her eyes at least I am not Lauren Reynolds, even though sometimes that line blurs and I forget that."

Westfallen nods. "I can't imagine living with such a dichotomy in my mind. How do you manage?"

Emily shrugs. "In all honesty, until recently it just didn't matter. I shut that persona away and went on with my life." She stands and starts to pace. "Then one night it hit me that if Doyle ever escapes and comes after me, he'd come after Jen and Henry, too. I knew I had to tell Jen about that part of my life; make sure she had the information she needed to stay safe it that happened. And ever since then, Lauren has been haunting me. I can't shut her up anymore."

"Maybe you don't need to shut her up. Maybe you need to listen to her; deal with her issues."

Emily chuckles. "Well, she _did_have issues."

"In your opinion, what was her biggest issue?"

Emily thinks about it for a moment. She finally turns and looks at Westfallen. "She fell in love with Ian Doyle."

Westfallen raises an eyebrow. "I see. For a lesbian who has been out as long as you that must have been a shock."

Emily nods, starting to pace again. "I hate everything Doyle ever did; ever stood for. But who he was to Lauren was different. He was romantic, caring, sweet. And she was everything he wanted. I was trained to make her what he wanted. I didn't expect to…to…have feelings for him. I could always hear the voice in my head saying 'He's a murderer! Stop loving him!' But then he would bring me a little gift or say something and Lauren was swooning again. He was…_is_ magnetic. Laruen gave herself willingly to him." Emily takes a deep breath. "Which means _I_ gave myself willingly to him. I got into his head, got into his heart, and then watched as he was taken down. And as I was driven away from him I looked up at him one last time. He smiled at me, telegraphing that everything would be okay. And, damn me, I wanted to apologize to him. How fucking twisted is that?"

"It's not twisted, Emily. It's as you said, you were trained to be the woman of his dreams. Of course Lauren fell for him because she was expected to; trained to, even. Think about this right now: as Emily Prentiss, could you respect him at all? Could you even call him a friend knowing all you know about his background?"

Emily paces, trying to separate the agent from the moll. "I…I don't know. Part of me says no but I can't just ignore the good I saw in him. And I think that's why it's so messed up in my head. I watched people die, I killed people myself, I know others died because of weapons I put out there all to bring down a man who may not be the monster we were lead to believe. I know he's a bad guy but there was good in there, too."

"Emily, is Ian Doyle dead?"

Emily shrugs. "Not as far as I know."

"Then why do you talk of him like he can never be redeemed? Maybe the good you saw will be what comes to the front if he's ever free again."

Emily slowly shakes her head. "No chance. The evil far outweighs the good. And if he ever does get free, he'll go after those that took him down. Of that I have no doubt."

Westfallen finally gets it; the heart of Emily's guilt. "And anyone he takes out will be because of Lauren…because of _you_."

Emily's eyes widen as the truth of that statement hits her like a ton of bricks. She drops down onto the sofa. "Oh my God," she whispers.

"That's why this has you so messed up. Yes, you have guilt from before but, Emily, you're also taking on guilt for things that may never come to pass."

"I…I…" Emily is speechless. Westfallen has nailed it and Emily had had no idea until the doctor had spoken the words.

Westfallen stands and moves to the couch. She takes the trembling woman's hand. "If you were talking to a police officer about an unsub and he was panicking about what could be, what would you tell him?"

Emily thinks for a minute. "I'd tell him we can't predict the future. We can only use the information we have to try to influence it and to stop the unsub before he acts."

"And that's all you can do about Doyle. You've warned Jennifer and given her the tools to survive if he shows up. I'd say you probably maintain a vigilance you may not even be aware of to make sure no one is tracking you on his behalf. You have done everything physically and mentally possible to protect yourself and your family. There is nothing more you can humanly do."

Emily wipes at the tear that slides down her cheek. "But what if it isn't enough?"

Westfallen squeezes her hand. "You're not superwoman, Emily Prentiss. I have a feeling you've been told that before." Emily manages a smile and nods. "You can only do so much. The rest is up to fate, as much as that sucks."

"Yeah," Emily agrees quietly. "And that really, really does suck."

Westfallen smiles. "We're a step closer, Emily. A big step. When can you get in here again?"

Emily shrugs. "I don't know. I plan to accept the leave my boss offered me now that my suspension is up. As soon as I get thing arranged with the movers and with the company delivering some furniture we bought yesterday I'll let you know."

Westfallen nods. "Sounds good. And I'll make the same offer to you as I made Jennifer. If you can't get here, call me. We can try to work some over the phone. I don't want you slipping back any now that I feel we're making big leaps forward."

"Thank you, Dr. Westfallen. You don't know how much I appreciate everything."

Westfallen smiles. "My pleasure."

* * *

With a lighter heart than she's had in a long time, Emily heads for Quantico. She gives her license to the guard at the gate and he checks his approved list for the FBI facility. He waves her through. When she parks, she smiles. Being here felt good, felt right. She dials Hotch's number.

"Agent Prentiss, nice of you to join us," he teases.

Emily chuckles. "Well, I figure you all couldn't live with out me. Jen would whine too much and annoy you."

"True. So are you downstairs?"

"Walking towards the building now."

"Good. I'll meet you in the lobby with your credentials."

"Thanks, Hotch."

Five minutes later, she is putting her briefcase under her desk and staring at the mountain of case files waiting for her. She looks at Reid and Morgan. "Are you two completely worthless without me or what?"

Morgan grins. "No but we wanted you to feel needed."

Emily chuckles. "Yeah, right."

Reid grins. "Besides, if you're taking a few days off like JJ said we thought you'd want to feel you did as much as you could before you left. We wouldn't want you to feel guilty for leaving us with so much work."

"Ha ha. Trust me: I'll feel no guilt whatsoever!" She grabs her coffee mug and heads to the kitchenette. After filling up she heads to JJ's office and pokes her head in. "Hi."

JJ looks up, smiling. "Hi yourself. How'd it go?"

Emily smiles. "I had a great appointment. A big breakthrough. And I can't wait to talk to you about it but I better get to work. I talked to Hotch. I'm taking 2 weeks with the option to extend or come back early. Is that okay?"

JJ tilts her head in amusement. "Of course it's okay. We all just want you to get things settled in your head. We don't want to lose you the way we lost Gideon and, to some extent, Elle. We've got your back, Emily. And I, for one, love you more than life itself so I really want to see you happy again."

"Thanks, Jen. I love you, too. Have a good day, babe."

"You, too."

Emily heads back to her desk. She sees the pile has gotten significantly smaller. She smiles at Reid. "How many folders were empty?"

He chuckles. "All but the ones left."

"Ah huh," she says with a grin as she opens the first one and gets to work. As if the temperature of the room had actually changed, Emily senses when Straus enters the bullpen. She slowly turns and locks eyes with the woman. No words are said but Emily sees the threat in the steely gaze: one minor misstep, one legitimate reason for it however small, and Emily would be gone; not just from the BAU but from the FBI.

Straus' gaze flickers when she sees Emily's eyebrow rise, the answer to threat clear: try it.

Morgan and Reid watch the silent standoff from the corner of their eyes. Rossi stares through his door. Only Hotch and JJ are out of the line of sight and have no idea of the tension on the floor. Straus finally turns and goes out the door to her office. Emily slowly turns back around. She sees Reid and Morgan staring at her. She forces a smile.

"Damn, she makes it so nice to be back."

Reid grins and Morgan chuckles. Emily looks up and sees Rossi at his desk. She had left things unresolved with him too long. She picks up a folder and heads up to his office as if to ask him a question about it.

"Um, got a minute?"

He nods, "Always."

Emily walks in and sits down. She looks at the folder in her hand and gestures to it. "In case she comes back. This will look like work," she offers with a grin.

Rossi smiles. "Good call." He sighs. "Emily, I am so sorry. I—"

She holds up her hand. "Rossi…Dave, don't. I should have told her myself. Or…or at the least I shouldn't have been upset that you did. My nerves were already raw. Then I was scared for Jen and you were an easy and available target for my anger and frustrations. I am so sorry. You didn't deserve that. I…I hope you can forgive me."

Rossi gives her a big smile. "Nothing to forgive, kid. I understood your anger wasn't all at me. But I sure as hell felt like crap for not going after JJ. I should have followed her."

Emily tilts her head to the side. "No, she would have sent you back in. She was working through her own emotions, both about what you told her and about what had happened to me. Dave, what happened wasn't my fault, wasn't your fault, wasn't her fault. That bastard wanted someone close to the investigation to find out what we knew. It could have been any one of us."

Dave slowly nods. "Knowing that and being okay with her being taken are two different things."

Emily chuckles. "You're damn right about that." She leans towards the desk. "So…are we okay? You…you've always been there for me when I needed you, Dave. Heck, you were there even when I didn't know I needed you. Please tell me my attitude didn't ruin that?"

Dave stands and walks over to Emily. He sits down in the chair beside hers and takes her hand. "It never could, Emily. You may find this hard to believe but I often think if I'd had a daughter she might be as stubborn, strong-willed and smart as you. Any time you need me, I'll always be there for you."

Emily nods her head but not before he sees the tears. "Thanks, Dave. That means…means more than I can say."

He pats her leg once more and she gets up to head back to her desk. He watches her go, smiling. A change had been sweeping over Emily Prentiss the last few months. And it was something welcome. She was becoming more open about her feelings. She may be struggling with dealing with it but he had no doubt she'd conquer that hurdle just like every other one in her life.


	13. Chapter 13

That evening Emily and JJ double check the things they had set aside to go with them to the new house. They would stay at a hotel Wednesday night since their furniture would be gone, and possibly Thursday depending on how settled the house is. Their luggage sits in the Lexus. Gun cases and a few other things would be loaded the next day and those items were in the hall closet.

There was only one more thing that needed to be retrieved. Emily stares at the spare bedroom in trepidation. She finally takes a deep breath and goes to get the hidden safe out of its place in the bookshelf. The large piece of furniture would be put in the small office off the master bedroom and Emily would put the safe back herself. No one but her would transport that information.

A hand strokes over her shoulder as she stares at the box. "Are you okay?" JJ asks.

Emily nods. "Yeah. You know, the breakthrough today was about this…about Lauren. Doyle is still alive, Jen. If he ever gets out he'll go after everyone he can to get to her…to me." She looks her wife in her eyes. "Anyone he kills…their blood is on my hands."

"Emily," JJ says compassionately, "you can't take on the guilt of crimes that haven't happened. You know that."

Emily nods. "I know. The doc pointed that out, too. I'm working on believing that. But I know in my heart that if he comes after me, he'll do it through you and Henry. And that terrifies me more than you know."

JJ looks into her eyes and nods. "Me, too. But I'm not going to live my life around a 'what if'. I love you, Emily Prentiss. Nothing is going to change that and nothing is going to chase me away. Remember that."

Emily smiles and nods. "I will. I promise. I love you, too, Jennifer Prentiss."

JJ smiles and runs both her hands up Emily's arms. "You know, this is our last night in your bachelor pad."

Emily laughs, her heart lightening. "Bachelor pad? I don't think it's been that since we moved you in a month before Henry was born."

JJ grins. "Well, that seems like the best description since we're now moving into our marital house."

Emily laughs even harder. "Marital house? What, is this the 1860's again or what?"

JJ pulls Emily close. "Are you teasing me?"

"Nope, not at all." Emily kisses the tip of JJ's nose. "I'm thanking you for taking my mind off that fucking safe and reminding me what's important. Thank you, Jennifer."

JJ smiles, glad her little tactic had worked. "Any time, Emily. Now, back to the rest of my little plan…we ought to say a proper goodbye to this place."

"And what exactly is a pro—OH!" Emily's question ends as JJ simply bites her breast through her shirt. "Okay, then…good idea."

JJ just grins as she slowly pushes Emily from the room, away from the safe. By the time they get to the living room, JJ has removed Emily's shirt and bra. Her mouth teases back and forth between the exposed breasts. The brunette pants as JJ pushes her down on the couch. JJ kneels in front of her wife, quickly pulling off the sweats Emily had put on when they got home. Her underwear follows and JJ spreads the strong legs wide.

"Oh, Jen," Emily breathes as a talented tongue immediately starts to tease her hard clit. Her hands twine into blonde locks as her hips pump, meeting the face working her into frenzy. When two fingers enter her Emily screams, shifting further down the couch, giving JJ more access.

"Mmm…yes, Emily," JJ hums against Emily's throbbing center. Her free hand slides up Emily's stomach slowly caressing one breast. Emily writhes into the touch, begging for more, begging for faster. JJ complies.

Emily pulls JJ upwards. JJ crawls up Emily, her hand still thrusting into her wife. Emily pulls JJ into a deep kiss and comes all over JJ's hand. Emily practically rips the shirt off JJ. She is desperate to feel her wife, to make her wife experience the same pleasure she has given.

"I need you so bad, Jen," Emily whispers just before her mouth latches onto one perfect breast, her hand teasing the other.

JJ rocks her hips, her hands on Emily's shoulder to balance herself. After a minute she stands enough to undo her jeans and shove them down her legs to her thighs. Emily's hands force them down far enough for JJ to step out. Before JJ can sit back down, Emily slides to the floor between the muscular legs and buries her face in JJ's wet curls.

"Oh, Em!"

JJ's legs tremble as Emily's tongue dives deep into her core. She leans over to brace herself against the back of the couch. Almost too soon, she feels the orgasm rip through her body and her legs give out. Emily guides her slowly, carefully to her lap. She strokes a hand through JJ's hair.

"I love you so much, Jen. So very much," she kisses Jen again.

Both women moan as they taste themselves on the other's mouth. JJ wraps her legs around Emily's waist as Emily stretches out her legs to allow JJ to settle between them. Their breasts rub against each other, hard nipples teasing their counterparts. As Emily kneads JJ's ass, JJ's hands caress around Emily's breasts. Soon both women are gasping for breath, their clits hard once again.

Without exchanging a word, both women slide a hand down to start to work the other's clit. Emily breaks off the kiss, staring into JJ's eyes as she works her wife's hard jewel. JJ watches as Emily's eyes get darker and darker, her cheeks flush brighter as the clit JJ massages get's harder.

As one, their hands slide forward, two fingers entering as thumbs start to work clits. As the women rock harder against each other, JJ slams her mouth back into Emily's. Their tongues' battle for dominance. Naked, hands and tongues pushing them towards another orgasm neither woman feels as if she is close enough to their wife. Emily's free hand pulls JJ's hips closer. JJ's hand pulls Emily's upper body tighter to her. Soon they are both gasping for air. Their eyes lock once more and they come together.

"Emily!"

"Jen!"

They scream out simultaneously as their love washes over their hands. Emily nuzzles Jen's neck.

"I can't get enough of you. I can't get close enough to you. I love you so fucking much," Emily whispers.

"I love you, Em. God, I could stay like this forever. Forever," JJ breathes in her wife's ear.

They sit there for a half an hour, exchanging small kisses and caresses; speaking of nothing; just enjoying each other. Finally they head to bed. It's going to be a long couple of days and they will need their rest.

* * *

Thursday afternoon, Emily is showing one of the movers where to put the bookshelf that will hide her safe when her Iphone rings.

"Prentiss," she answers automatically.

JJ chuckles. "That phone _does_ have caller ID, right? I mean, as much as it cost it better."

Emily laughs. "Sorry. Watching something else and didn't check. What's up?"

JJ sighs. "We have a case."

"Oh," Emily says as she drops into a chair sitting nearby. "Um, does Hotch want me to—"

"No! No, baby, it's okay. But we're leaving in 30 for Cleveland. It's bad. We'll be gone a couple days at least. I am so sorry to leave you with all the unpacking and stuff."

"It's okay, Jen. One of us better be working to afford this place, right?" she jokes.

JJ chuckles. "Right. What _was_I thinking? So, are you going to the hotel again tonight?"

"No, I think I'll just stay here. The bed is put together and I have the sheets so I should be fine. Besides, who knows when the furniture we ordered will get here tomorrow. Best to be here ready for them."

"Okay. Look, I have to go. I'll call you when I get to the hotel tonight, okay?"

"Okay. I love you, Jennifer. Be safe."

"Always. I love you, too, Em. Talk to you tonight."

"Bye, baby."

Emily stares at her phone. She is worried about the team going on to a new case…and worried she has no desire to join them. Has she worked her ass of to get to the BAU only to burn out so quickly?

"Uh, Mrs. Prentiss, which room does the sofa go in?" one of the movers asks.

Emily smiles and stands. "Uh, I'll show you."

She follows him down to help direct where the living room set from the condo should go.

That evening, she stands in her new kitchen sipping a glass of wine. She feels so settled. The only things missing to make this perfect are Jen and Henry. She wanders through the lower level of the house, picturing each room as it would look. She chuckles to herself as she is imaging embassy-like perfection.

"We're going to have kids here, Emily," she reminds herself. "This will be a home, not a museum."

She pictures things a little more cluttered, toys lying around, dirt tracked in from outside. Handprints on the walls and glass surfaces. She smiles and nods. It will be perfect.

She goes upstairs and wanders into Henry's room. His crib and changing table are set up. His rocker and its glide ottoman are set. All the room needs are the pictures hung up.

She walks into the room across from his. She smiles, picturing it trimmed in pink. She shakes her head. When the hell had she gotten so girly? She'd never been into pink but suddenly she can see her daughter's room perfectly girly-girl.

"You're insane, Emily," she kids herself. When her phone rings she smiles as he hears JJ's ringtone.

"Hi, sweetheart," she answers.

"Hi, Em. How are things looking?"

"Good. Really, really good. Just need to hang pictures and stuff and we're set with what we have."

"Henry's room?"

"Perfect. Crib is all ready for him to get here tomorrow with your parents. The guest room is all ready for them. Francesca is all settled and enjoying making decorating plans for her apartment. All is good except you and Henry aren't here. Then it would be perfect," Emily gushes.

JJ can't help but smile at how happy Emily sounds. "I can't wait to see it all and make plans for the other rooms."

"Me neither. So how's the case?"

JJ sighs. "Like I said, bad. Three home invasions in two weeks. Same unsubs but so far no connections to each other. Hopefully one of the searches Garcia is running will give us a new direction to try."

"I hope so." Emily takes a sip of wine. "Jen, when you look at me, do you ever think of the term 'girly-girl?"

JJ laughs, surprised by the question. "I think many things but I don't think that's ever crossed my mind."

"So why the heck am I standing in the room that will be the next child's, hoping it's a girl, so I can deck it out in pinks and frills?"

JJ laughs even harder. "Oh, God, are you serious?"

"Yeah. What the hell is happening to me?"

"Why I believe, Agent Prentiss, you are getting domesticated. How freakin' scary is that?"

Emily laughs. "You don't know just how scary it is." She glances at her watch. "I guess I ought to let you go. You'll probably be up early tomorrow."

"Yeah, we're meeting at 6 tomorrow. Ugh."

"Yuck. I hope to still be staring at the back of my eyelids at 6."

"You can be a cruel woman, Emily Elizabeth Prentiss," JJ jokes.

"Yep, I know." Emily states proudly. "Sleep well, baby. I love you."

"I love you, too. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Night, sweetheart."

Emily stares at the phone. She still has no desire to be on a case. Obviously the time off was more than a little necessary. She heads out of the empty room and back to the master bedroom. She stares at the empty walls. One wall is perfect, in her mind at least, for a grouping of family pictures. She decides it will be one of her projects during her time off to get the pictures she wants printed and framed.

She lies down on the bed, smiling. Her life was getting better every day. And she was going to stop feeling guilty about it if it's the last thing she does.

* * *

Saturday morning Emily is feeding Henry while Alan makes breakfast for the adults. Sandy sits at the island going over a list she and Emily had compiled of things they needed to pick up at the mall.

Emily reaches for the remote and turns on the dropdown TV on the kitchen cabinets. She tunes it to CNN to catch what's going on in the world. The breaking news story scares the heck out of them all.

"…again, this happened just before dawn in a suburb outside of Cleveland, Ohio. Local police and members of the FBI attempted entry into the house. Once inside, someone or something caused the house to explode. There is no word yet on deaths or injuries but at least 5 ambulances have raced out of here in the last few minutes."

Emily grabs her phone. Her hands shake and she misdials three times before finally getting JJ's number to ring. It goes right to voicemail. She tries every member of the team to no avail. She finally dials Garcia, who answers immediately.

"Oh, God, Em, please tell me you've heard from someone!" the analyst yells.

"No, oh, fuck, Pen. What the hell happened?"

"They found the guys. They were hitting the house early this morning to catch them sleeping. All I know is they went in with the police and the house went boom and now I can't get anyone on the phone and I can't get word on who's hurt."

Emily is pacing furiously. "Damn it! Look, keep trying the cops. Some may know you were helping and can maybe get you some information. I'll start calling hospitals to see if I can get an answer that way."

"Right. There's 3 local hospitals. I've patched into their systems so if any of their names get entered I'll know."

"Good. But it could be a while before their info gets into the computers. Keep trying the cops. They'll be our best bets."

"Okay. I'll call you if I hear something."

"Right." Emily hangs up and looks at her in-laws. "No word. Garcia's trying a couple avenues and I'm calling the hospitals. We'll find something out soon. There's no other option."

Two hours later, Emily has exhausted anything she can think of to try. Garcia has her info out to a dozen or more officers but there is still no word on the BAU team. When Emily's phone rings with a number she doesn't recognize, her heart hits her throat. She tries to keep her voice steady.

"Prentiss," she answers.


	14. Chapter 14

The team had been working hard to try get a lead on the unsubs. They had been able to hammer out a profile on the three unsubs who had been breaking in while the family slept, subduing the children and then beating the parents. They acted like it was a party. They ate and drank the family's food before stealing small, easily hocked items and leaving. But each invasion got slightly more violent. These were young men, 18-25, disillusioned and blaming the world for their problems.

The fourth home invasion occurs on Friday night and there is a lucky break during the investigation. The unsubs had unknowingly tripped the burglar alarm instead of disabling it. They had gone into the house expecting another night of violence. When the police arrive the men had fled but one man had been caught.

Rossi and Morgan are called in to question him. The rest of the team watches from the observation room.

"Tell me your name!" Morgan demands. The boy had said nothing since he was captured. It didn't look like that was going to change.

"Look, right now you're on the hook for all these attacks," Rossi says in a fatherly tone. "If you cooperate, you can earn a deal to do less time."

The boy looks away, a bored countenance on his face.

Morgan paces like a bull, countering Rossi's easy demeanor. In the observation room, JJ shakes her head.

"It's not going to work, Hotch."

Hotch frowns. "Give them a moment."

JJ looks at him. "Hotch, he could care less about the good cop/bad cop routine. Look at him! He's been put down all his life, he feels stepped on, and now he has power. He's not going to tell them anything because they are the type he wants revenge on."

Hotch slowly turns and looks at JJ. "You're right. And you say you're not a profiler."

JJ chuckles. "Yeah, well, maybe we can discuss that some more later. Right now, how about Reid and I go in. Tell Morgan and Rossi to treat us like crap. I'm just a woman what could I know. Reid's just a kid, blah, blah, blah." She turns to Reid. "When we go in, act like you've never done this before. Nerves, clumsiness…you know, like you would have been last month," she finishes with wink.

Reid grins. "Watch it, little girl."

"Yes, and being condescending towards me would be good, too." JJ looks at Hotch. "We can do this. He'll talk to us."

Hotch slowly nods. He keys his mike and relates the idea to Morgan and Rossi, who betray nothing to their prisoner. A moment later, the interrogation room door opens admitting JJ and Reid.

"Uh, guys," JJ says nervously.

"GET OUT!" Morgan bellows. "Do you not see what we're doing here?"

"Um, yes, but, uh, see…Hotch wants to see you two now. He wants Reid and me to talk to this gentleman," she says, clearly uncomfortable.

Rossi snorts. "Great. A brat and a broad. Yeah, good luck. We'll be back later to mop up the mess."

Morgan and Rossi head out. Reid, who had changed from contacts to his glasses, starts towards the table…and drops the file folders in his hand, spilling crime scene pics everywhere. Out in the observation room, Rossi looks at Hotch.

"That was good."

Hotch grins. "I'm not sure that was planned."

Reid starts to gather the pictures together. JJ sits down, straightening her jacket nervously. "Uh, hi. I'm Agent Jareau. This is Agent, um, Dr. Reid. We just, well, our boss is pissed and he had to send someone in so he sent us. Is there any chance you can tell us your name? Maybe get him off our backs for a bit?"

The suspect stares at them. "They always on your asses?"

Reid rolls his eyes. "You have no idea. I'm the new kid and she's the chick. Those two act like we're just here to do their paperwork."

The suspect grins. "Trust me, dude, I can understand."

JJ shakes her head in disbelief. "I doubt that. You seem like a good guy. Well, I mean," she blushes, "aside from this whole thing. I just have a hard time believing you're the one that masterminded all these home invasions. You seem too…nice."

"Yeah, Rossi and Morgan are saying they're going to make sure you go down for everything. They figure the other two will just disappear since you're not there to lead them," Reid tells him.

The guy sits forward. "They said that?" Reid nods. "Bullshit, man! Look, it was all JT's deal. He's the one that wanted to steal shit. We've hit 8 or 9 homes just for stuff. And then Perry, he sees the news and that we're being called cowards and shit. He tells JT that's whack and we need to show them we ain't cowards. I ain't want to do them beatings and shit but I had to."

JJ nods consolingly. "I understand. That happens so often. But look, if you don't give us your name and where we can find them, those two are going to railroad you. Plus, you'll really be sticking it to Morgan and Rossi if we get the info they couldn't."

The guy smiles, liking the idea. "And you'll make sure I don't get hammered for all this?"

"You help us, we'll help you," Reid promises.

"I'm Walter Cox. JT is James Trainer. Perry is Edward Perry. Now make sure them fucks don't run me into the ground on this!"

JJ stands and nods. "You have my word, Walter. Uh, out of curiosity. Where can we find JT and Perry?"

"They probably at Perry's house. 115 South Braxton Street."

"Thanks, Walter. We owe you," Reid tells him.

As they leave the room, Rossi, Hotch and Morgan give them a round of applause. "Incredible work, Jayje. Way to read that guy," Morgan praises her.

She blushes. "Well, I've watched you all long enough it had to rub off, right?"

* * *

At 6 a.m. the agents gathers with the SWAT team outside the home of Edward Perry. Hotch looks at his team.

"Reid, JJ and I will go in the front door; Morgan, Rossi you'll be in the back. We know some of the victims were pistol whipped so consider them armed and dangerous." The agents nod. Hotch looks at the SWAT commander. "We'll be on your backs. You have the lead on the entry."

The commander nods and orders his men into position. The FBI agents follow them to the house. At Hotch's nod one officer pounds on the door.

"EDWARD PERRY AND JAMES TRAINER THIS IS THE POLICE. OPEN THE DOOR AND COME OUT WITH YOU HANDS UP." Hotch yells.

They hear scrambling inside but not answering yells. Hotch keys his mike. "Entry on three. One. Two. Three."

Simultaneously, the front and back doors of the house are busted in. Reid, Hotch and JJ follow 4 SWAT members into the house. Two proceed up the steps. JJ follows one to the living room. She is nearly to the kitchen when a strange sound catches her ear. She turns and sees the fuse burning towards a stack of dynamite. She keys her mike.

"OUT! EXPLOSIVES! EVERYONE OUT!"

No one questions the order. Agents and officers race for the doors. Just as she clears the front steps, JJ is lifted in the air by the blast behind her. As she flies through the air she has one crazy thought.

"I really fucking hate explosions."

And then she hits the ground. She is mostly okay…until the SWAT officer lands on her, his helmet knocking her out.

* * *

"I'm fine," JJ insists. She holds an icepack to her head. "I'm just glad my fucking nose isn't broken again."

Hotch smiles at her, the stitches on his cheek giving him a bit of character. "Good to hear. Out of our team I think Morgan got the worst of it. He was the last one out the backdoor and has some burns on his arm plus some nasty cuts and bruises." He sighs. "The two SWAT officers that went upstairs didn't make it out."

JJ looks down. "Shit. And the two assholes we went after?"

"Dead in the blast."

"I guess I didn't connect with Walter as much as I thought since he didn't mention the dynamite," she laments.

Hotch shrugs. "He claims he didn't know they had them. Either way, he'll be doing the time for the home invasions. We can only—"

"Agent Hotchner?" a nurse interrupts. "There's an Agent Garcia on the line insisting she speak with you or she will, and I quote, send this hospital back to the Stone Age."

Hotch chuckles. "Ah, right. What line?"

"Line 7."

"Thank you." He looks at JJ in amusement. "_Agent_Garcia? Glad everyone's promoting themselves lately." JJ chuckles. Hotch picks up the phone. "Garcia?"

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU ALL BEEN? THE EXPLOSION WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS! EMILY AND HER IN-LAWS ARE PANICKING! NONE OF YOU ARE ANSWERING YOUR PHONES! DO YOU NOT KNOW PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT YOU?"

Hotch had held the phone away from his ear. JJ had heard everything. Her face pales.

"Oh, God…I didn't know. Where's my phone?" she starts to search herself and the area around the bed she sits on.

"Garcia, I apologize. I didn't know the media had picked up on it. JJ's phone got smashed." JJ stops looking for it and stares at him. "So did mine and Rossi's. I think Morgan's got left behind by the EMT's. I'm not sure about Reid's."

As he continues to talk to Garcia, a nurse comes in to check on JJ.

"How are you feeling, Agent Jareau?"

"Terrible! Please tell me you have a phone!"

"Uh, not on me. Why?"

"Shit. Do you know if the news about the explosion is just local?"

"Well, it's on CNN in the lounge and—"

JJ grabs her hand. "No! Please, get me a phone! My wife and parents had to have been watching CNN! If they are reporting anyone dead they'll be losing their minds."

The nurse stares at the desperate look in JJ's eyes and nods. "Hang on, honey." She steps out and comes back a few minutes later with an orderly. He hands his cell phone to JJ with a smile. She quickly punches in Emily's number. It is answered almost immediately.

"Prentiss."

"Baby, we're okay."

"Jennifer! Oh, God, Jen. Thank God! You're okay? Really?"

"Yeah. Fine. Just a bump on the head. Wouldn't even have that if I hadn't been the landing pad for a SWAT officer."

Emily lets out a nervous laugh. "Well maybe next time try not to be such an over-achiever."

JJ chuckles. "Right. I'll keep that in mind."

"Jen, your Mom wants to talk to you. I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too."

"Jennifer? Are you really okay?" Sandy asks worriedly.

"I'm fine, Mom. Really. Barely a scratch on me," JJ assures her.

"Then why is Emily crying and hugging Henry like she'll never let him go?"

"Because if I was there getting this call I'd be doing the same thing. Really, Mom. I'm okay. We all are."

"Are you coming home today?"

"I don't know. As soon as I do, I'll call you back. I promise."

"You better. I love you, Jenny."

"I love you, too, Mom. I think I need to give the orderly back his phone so he can get back to work. I just wanted to call and let you know I was okay."

"I'm glad you called, honey. We were frantic. I can't wait to see you. We love you, honey."

"Love you, too. Give Henry a kiss for me. Bye, Mom." She disconnects the call and hands the phone back. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, ma'am. Happy to help."

As the orderly leaves, JJ looks at Hotch. "So when are we getting the heck out of here?"

"I've ordered the jet to leave at 5. That should give us time to get our statements finished and get our stuff from the hotel. If that changes I'll let you know," he promises.

"Please don't let it change. I really need to hug my family tonight."

Hotch nods. "I feel the same. I'll be back soon."

* * *

It is nearly 10:30 when JJ pulls into the driveway of her new home. She smiles as she sees the lights are on and knows her parents and wife are waiting for her.

"Our home," JJ whispers happily.

As she grabs her go bag and briefcase she hears the front door open. She turns and smiles as she sees Emily hurrying down the walk.

"Hi, honey. I'm home."

Emily pulls her close. "Welcome home, Jen. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I swear, baby."

Emily leans back and looks into JJ's eyes. All she sees is love, no deception. JJ pokes her.

"Hey! Stop profiling me," she jokes as she pulls her wife into a kiss.

When it ends, Emily grins. "Sorry about the profiling. Can't help myself where you're concerned."

"Right."

Emily takes JJ's go bag in one hand and her wife's hand in the other and leads her into the house. Sandy and Alan meet them in the hallway.

"Really, Jennifer, you couldn't have been a teacher like I wanted?" Sandy teases.

JJ smiles. "Sorry, Mom, teaching can be scary."

Alan chuckles. "And heaven help us if you had a scary job."

JJ is hugged by both parents. As she leans away from them she looks into their eyes.

"I'm sorry to worry you. My phone got trashed again. And I didn't know the news had broken. Had I known I'd have made arrangements to call sooner or at least gotten word to Garcia. I'm really, really sorry," she finishes.

"Well, at least no one was seriously hurt," Alan says.

JJ's eyes darken. "Uh, well not our team. Two SWAT officers had gone upstairs. They…they didn't make it out. My warning came too late."

"Oh, Jenny," her father says. "I'm sure you did the best you could."

JJ nods. "I know that in my head. It's just going to take my heart a few days to believe it."

Sandy strokes a hand down her daughter's cheek. "Sweetie, you look exhausted. Why don't you go up, shower and get to bed."

JJ nods. "I think that sounds like a great idea. I think I'll check on Henry first. I really need to see him."

Emily looks to her in-laws who nod. She smiles her thanks and heads up after her wife. She catches up to JJ in Henry's room. She is stroking his back, smiling as he sleeps blissfully unaware of how close he came to losing his mommy. Emily wraps her arms around JJ's waist and kisses her neck.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Jen."

JJ takes the hands at her waist. "I'm glad you weren't. You were where you needed to be." She leans back against Emily. "I want to take the courses."

Emily is thoroughly confused. "What courses?"

"I want to become a profiler. And I want you to become a liaison."

Emily frowns. "Um, and why would we do this?"

"If I'm going to get you knocked up at some point this year, you'll need to be out of the field for a while. You can move to liaison and I can move to profiler. Around the office you can still do the case reviews you like and I can do the paperwork I like. Then the team won't have to break up," JJ explains.

Emily stares at her and grins. "That's just so crazy it might actually work. Have you mentioned this to Hotch yet?"

"Nope. Wanted to talk to you first in case you didn't want to do it."

Emily smiles. "Jennifer Andrea Jareau Prentiss, you never cease to amaze me." She gives her a big kiss. "I say let's see if Hotch will go for it. Now how about we get you to the shower. I want to see for myself that you're okay."

JJ nods. "Sounds like a good plan." They share a quick kiss then head to the master bedroom to get JJ ready for bed.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning, Emily gets up when she hears Henry giving his "my diaper is yucky" cry. She lifts him out of the crib.

"Hi, Champ. Whew! I can smell that from here! I know it didn't smell that bad going in so what exactly are you doing to it?"

Henry just laughs as if it's a joke he's not going to let her in on. Emily moves him to the changing table telling him about what they might be doing that day. As she changes her son, she stares into his happy blue eyes…and suddenly her heart freezes.

Declan had been blonde with blue eyes. She squeezes her eyes against the memories she doesn't want to face but it's no use.

* * *

**"They need more, Emily."**

**"They can kiss my ass, Clyde. There is no more," Emily insists.**

**Clyde gets in her face. "You're lying to me. Don't think I can't tell. I spent days teaching you how to lie and I know the tells you didn't lose. What the hell are we missing, darling?"**

**"Don't you 'darling' me, you bastard. You hung my ass out to dry. Even if there was more, which there isn't, I wouldn't tell you a damn thing. I'll only work with Sean. He never let me down."**

**Emily pushes past Clyde and leaves the building. Her heart is pounding in her chest. There _was_something more. But there was no damn way she was giving that info to Clyde. But someone, somewhere would eventually tell him the truth. Unless she did something about it first.**

**The plan hatches itself quickly. It was so complicated and yet so simple it would have to work. In all honesty, there was no other option. She gets on the Metro and heads for a contact on K Street. He names a price for what she needs and she agrees, planning to be back the next day with the money.**

**Two days later she is meeting another contact, who also agrees to her terms. **

**The next day she ditches Clyde and the other two tails he has on her and gets out of DC, heading south. When she gets to Richmond, she switches cars and heads west. In Charleston, WV, she boards a plane to Boston under a false name, for which she has new ID.**

**When she arrives at the safe house, Declan sees her and runs to her.**

**"Lauren!" he squeals.**

**She smiles and kneels down. "Hey, Sport. I missed you!"**

**"Missed you, too!"**

**She gets a big hug from him. When she stands she looks at Louise. "We need to talk."**

**She lays out her plan to Louise and finishes with. "If they find out about Declan and think he can be used against Ian, they will hurt him in ways I can never live with. I hate the thought of never seeing him again but this is the only way. I'll be back with the FBI within the month. From then on if you ever need me you can call me there. If I ever think it's safe to reestablish contact I will."**

**"Are you sure this is our only chance?"**

**Emily nods. "Yes."**

**Emily takes Louise and Declan to an old warehouse. She tells Declan it's an adventure just like a movie. The little boy is excited.**

**Emily takes a deep breath before the next part. "Okay, so remember when we watched the cowboy movie together?" Declan nods. "And then I pretended to be the bad guy and got shot by Sheriff Declan?" Declan nods again. "Good. Now this time it's going to be you pretending, okay? I'll have the gun and when I say bang, you fall over like I shot you, okay?"**

**"Kay. And I get to be the bad guy?"**

**"Yep, this time you're the bad guy, Sport."**

**Emily exchanges a look with Louise. If Declan doesn't sell this it will bring the whole plan down. Emily puts a strip of tape across his mouth, smiling the whole time and telling him how cool he looks. She sets the camera up and holds it's remote. Making sure only her gun hand is visible she shoots pictures of her holding them "hostage." She then grabs some blood she'd squeezed out of some raw meat. She uses it and a lighter to fake bullet wounds in the clothes of Louise and Declan. She steps back and snaps a few more pics. This time showing them assassinated.**

**The pictures nearly make Emily throw up. Declan, now freed, runs over to her.**

**"I wanna see!"**

**She forces a smile to her face and turns so he can see the view screen. He smiles up at her.**

**"I look pretty good for a dead kid."**

**Emily chuckles and gives him a hug. "Yeah, Sport, you sure do," she chokes out.**

**She then drives them to the airport. They have three different destinations under three different aliases over the next two weeks. Their final destination is back in the DC area where a friend of Emily's will take them in, raising Declan as his own. She prays it's enough to keep the sweet little boy safe.**

**As they walk into the terminal, Declan turns back once and waves. Emily waves to him, knowing she'll never see him again unless there's an emergency.**

**She takes the camera disk to Clyde the next day.**

**"Here."**

**"What's this?"**

**"The death of Declan Doyle."**

**Clyde stares at her in confusion. "He has no brothers."**

**"Declan was his son."**

**Clyde shakes his head. "And you're telling me he's dead? That somehow you bore witness to this death?"**

**"I'm telling you the boy is dead. That's all you need to know. It will destroy Ian's spirit. He'll never be able to function knowing that little boy is gone."**

**Emily turns to leave.**

**"Emily, we can protect him."**

**Emily looks over her shoulder at him. "He only needs protection from you."**

**She storms out of the office, never to look back at her time as Lauren Reynolds again.**

* * *

Emily is in the chair rocking Henry but her eyes are blank. JJ hurries to her side.

"Emily? Emily, what's wrong? Emily, can you hear me?" JJ turns Emily's head, forcing brown eyes to look into blue. "Emily Prentiss, look at me. Please."

Emily blinks a couple times. Her eyes start to focus. She looks down at the boy in her arms. "I…Declan…he looks just like Declan. Oh, God, Jen, what have I done?"

"Baby, who is Declan?" though in her heart JJ has a bad feeling she knows the answer.

"He was Ian's son. I had to protect him, Jen. They'd have done horrible things to Declan to get Ian to talk. I couldn't let that happen."

"What are you saying, Emily?"

"I faked his death. He's living under an assumed name with two people who love him as if her were their own. But if Ian ever finds out…God, Jen, if he sees Henry…"

"DON'T! Don't do this to yourself, Emily!" JJ says forcefully. "Don't do this to us! If, and it's a big damn if, Ian Doyle ever comes after us, we will deal with it then. You, me, the team, all of us. He will not hurt you, he will not hurt Henry, he will not hurt me. You saved Declan and you will save Henry. It's who you are."

"I feel like I'm starting to forget who I am," Emily admits.

"Then I will be here every day to remind you who you are. You're Emily Elizabeth Prentiss: wife, mother, daughter, FBI profiler, one of the good guys, and a fierce, loyal friend. _That's_who you are. And above all that you are the woman I love with all that I have in me."

Emily stares into JJ's eyes. "Thank you, Jen."

"No thanks needed, baby."

JJ pulls Emily into a hug, holding her until the tremors finally cease. She kisses Emily on the top of the head.

"Come on, baby. Let's go get breakfast. Then you can show me what you've done here while I was gone, okay?"

Emily nods, still a bit shaky. She lets JJ lead her, knowing her wife will always lead her back to love.

* * *

**A/N: flashbacks reference information found out in 6x17 "Valhalla", 6x18 "Lauren" and 7x01 "It Takes a Village"**


	16. Chapter 16

Sunday night JJ puts Henry to bed. When she gets down to the kitchen she finds Emily popping open a bottle of champagne. She smiles.

"What's this for?"

"I got it for us to celebrate our first night here. Granted our first night was last night but it's our first night alone." Emily hands JJ a glass of the Dom.

"You do remember Henry's upstairs, right?" JJ teases.

Emily shrugs. "Ankle biters don't count." JJ laughs. "So, I propose a toast. To a house we will fill with love, laughter and children for the next 50 or 60 years."

JJ clinks her glass against Emily's. "I'll definitely drink to that." She sips the expensive drink. "Damn, that's so good."

Emily chuckles. "I think so, too." Emily reaches to the counter behind her and lifts up a strawberry. She offers it to JJ who bites into it. "Now, sip."

JJ does as Emily says. Her eyes bulge at the explosion of taste. "Oh my God! How have you never showed me that before?"

Emily laughs. "I had to save something for our new home celebration."

JJ sets her glass down. She takes Emily's and sets it down. "I can think of a better way. In fact, I believe it was your plan to make sure we break this house in properly." JJ runs her hands over Emily's hips.

"Mmmm…I think I remember something about that," she says as she leans in to kiss JJ. She then pulls away. "But I hate to tell you this…" she says with regret.

JJ stares at her a moment then shakes her head. "You've got to be kidding me."

Emily shakes her head. "Unfortunately not. I guess it started early because of stress."

JJ chuckles and shakes her head. "Not fair. Not fair at all. I really wanted to make love to you tonight."

Emily hugs her. "I know. I wanted that, too. That's why I got the champagne and strawberries. Not a perfect substitute but at least you can get a good buzz before bed."

JJ smiles and sighs, grabbing her glass. "Well, then fill me back up. And make sure you get plenty of rest the day your period is gone. I plan to make up for lost time."

Emily kisses her on the nose. "Deal, Mrs. Prentiss. Definitely a deal."

* * *

The next morning JJ sits in Hotch's office. She is nervous as his face gives away nothing. She has laid out the plan she had proposed to Emily but unless Hotch agrees it will be for naught. He raises an eyebrow.

"You think Straus will go for this?"

JJ shrugs. "Technically, it's not up to her what courses we take or what certifications we earn. And if you have a back-up profiler and a back-up liaison you would have no need to separate the team for any reason."

"And should one of you go on maternity leave?"

"You wouldn't even have to bring someone in temporarily. The other could handle the media on cases and also act as a profiler. We'll be our own back-up."

"It's actually just crazy enough it could work," he admits. "And Emily is on board with this?"

JJ nods. "Yes."

"Okay. Let me look it over a little and check to see if there's anything you missed in your research. Though something tells me you've missed nothing." JJ grins. "If it looks like it will fly, I'll okay it."

JJ smiles. "Excellent. Thanks, Hotch." JJ stands to go but Hotch stops her.

"How's she doing?"

JJ thinks a moment. "She's better. She's finally coming to grips with some stuff in her past that she never dealt with. I believe when she gets back she'll be a better agent for having gone through all of this."

Hotch nods. "Good. Tell her anything she needs she'll get, even if it's more time."

"She knows. Thanks, Hotch."

JJ heads back to her office. She comes to a stop as she sees Chief Straus waiting for her.

"Chief Straus. Can I help you with anything, ma'am?"

"How is Agent Prentiss doing?"

"Fine, ma'am. I think this break is good for her. She's had an intense career and I think she's needed this sort of break for a long time."

"Good. I wanted to let you know I've been asked to speak with you about the promotion you turned down."

JJ stiffens. "I see."

"It's a good job, Agent Jareau."

"So is this one. And I'm convinced now more than ever that I'm where I need to be."

"Even after what happened Saturday?"

JJ nods. "Yes, ma'am. I had a talk with my mother. She helped convince me I've made the right choice. This is where I am meant to be; this is my calling. Surely you understand that, ma'am. I can't help but think you've had other offers in your career but didn't take them because you knew what you wanted to do; what you wanted to be in the Bureau."

Straus stares at her for a few minutes. JJ had hit a sore nerve. Straus had dodged several assignments she knew would have taken her away from her end goals. Finally she nods.

"I'll let them know you are not interested at this time. You're very good at your job, Agent Jareau. They won't give up on you easily," she warns the petite blonde.

"They'll be wasting their breath. I don't want the transfer. This is the only place I've ever wanted to be. And I don't plan to go anywhere else," JJ concludes.

Straus just nods and heads back to her office. Garcia had stood down the hall watching. She now hurries her neon green platforms down to JJ's office.

"Jayje? You okay?"

JJ smiles. "I'm fine. She just wanted to let me know she was contacted about a position I turned down. It would mean leaving the BAU and that's not happening."

"Good. So she wasn't being pissy about Emily?"

"Not this time. Maybe after lunch," JJ jokes with a wink.

Garcia laughs. "So you guys all settled in?"

"Mostly. Still a lot of decorating to do but I think we'll be happy doing it slowly, making sure each room is right."

"Excellent. So when is the house-warming party?"

"We thought about waiting for it to warm up but I think we could do something with just the team sooner. Of course, we'll have to wait for the new dining room table. The one from the condo was too small so we left it behind."

"Cool! Well, I can't wait to see it. Mind if I stop in this weekend?"

"Not at all. We should be there. I'll let you know if that changes."

"Coolness! Toodles!"

Garcia heads down to her office. JJ settles in behind her desk. She stares at the mountains of cases awaiting her attention. Yes, this is definitely where she was meant to be. With a smile belying the horrors she's about to see, she opens the first folder on her desk.

* * *

Emily holds the picture up against the wall. She looks over her shoulder at Henry, who is pushing himself around in his Combi All-In-One walker. The cute toy is shaped like a sports car and was a gift from "Uncle" Dave Rossi. The driving glasses were not to Henry's liking but at least one really cute picture had been snapped before he got rid of those.

"Is this straight, Henry?" He waves his hands at her. She grins. "You're no help. What do we keep you around for?" He kicks his legs, sending himself speeding across the hardwood. She chuckles. "Oh, yeah…entertainment."

She uses her pencil to mark the top of the frame and steps back. She just can't tell and it will drive her nuts if it ends up crooked. "I guess I should have bought that laser level Sandy pointed out. Who knew decorating yourself could be so difficult?"

She leans the picture against the wall. It would have to wait until she gets the level. She heads into the kitchen and adds it to the list she's been keeping. She hears Henry speeding in behind her. She laughs at him.

"You're loving the hardwood, aren't you? We may never get you walking if you find out how much slower it is than your Henry-powered Ferrari there." He honks his horn at her. "Oh, sure, give me the Harpo treatment. I see how you are."

She is still laughing at his antics when the doorbell rings. Since the baby-proofers aren't expected until the next day she wonders who it could be. She takes a look through the peephole and smiles as she sees her parents. She opens the door with a big smile.

"Hi! I didn't think you guys were going to make it before you had to get back to Italy!"

They give her a hug and smile as Henry comes zooming up to them. He honks and then waves both hands at them.

"Hello, Henry, yes we see you, too," Elizabeth says, kneeling to give him a kiss.

Gerald lifts him out of the walker. "Hey, Champ. How's my big boy?"

Emily stands to the side, still amazed at how quickly her parents had fallen in love with her stepson. Elizabeth hands Emily a large basket.

"A little something from your father and me."

"Oh, Mom, you shouldn't have. But I'm glad you did," she adds with a wink.

They head into the kitchen so Emily can look at the contents of the basket: 2 bottles of wine, caviar, several types of cheeses, an assortment of crackers, and several different kinds of Godiva chocolates. She smiles and hugs them. "Thank you. Just do me a favor?"

"Of course. What?" Elizabeth asks.

"Don't tell Jen. This stuff looks too good to share!"

Elizabeth chuckles. "I'll text her an inventory of the contents later," she warns.

"How's Francesca getting along out here?" Gerald asks.

"She's great. She's painting her apartment today so Henry is helping me hang pictures. Between you and me, he's not much help, are you, Champ?" she says, tickling him.

"Do you think she'd mind if I went up to say hello?" Gerald asks.

"I doubt it. But leave Henry, please, Dad. We want him to avoid the paint fumes."

"Of course." He places Henry back down in the walker, laughing as the little boy honks the horn. He looks up at Emily. "Does that ever get annoying?"

Emily smiles at her son. "Not yet. I'm sure eventually we'll be glad when it breaks. But he's just so pleased with it I can't be annoyed with it."

Gerald kisses Emily's cheek. "You're an amazing mother, Emily."

"Thanks, Dad," she says. As Gerald leaves she looks at her mother. "Okay, what is it?"

Elizabeth frowns. "Emily, so suspicious!" Emily just raises an eyebrow. "Fine. Maybe there is something your father wants to be able to denying knowing." She pulls a large envelope out of her bag. "I've been investigating your Chief Straus."

Emily stares at her mother, her jaw open in shock. "_You've_ been investigating Straus?"

"Yes. And it was quite exciting. I understand why you do it now. I felt like…like Cagney and Lacey!"

Emily rolls her eyes. "They were police officers, Mother. They have to follow legal channels. Something tells me you didn't."

Elizabeth shrugs. "Fine. Then maybe I was like one of 'Charlie's Angels.' I can see myself as sexy as Kelly Garrett."

Emily can't help it. She laughs. "Kelly? Nah, your face is too angular. You're more like Sabrina Duncan."

Elizabeth thinks about it and nods. "I can see that. She _was_ the smart one, after all."

Emily nods, still laughing. "Yes, yes she was."

"Anyway, there is information in there that could be used to end her career. She needs to know she can't try to railroad my daughter and get away with it," Elizabeth says angrily.

Emily is touched by the gesture and by her mother's anger on her behalf. "Thank you, Mom, for doing this. But I can never use it. I won't stoop to her level." She starts to hand it back.

Elizabeth refuses to take it. "Perhaps not now. But keep it. You never know if she'll turn her sights onto Jennifer or one of your other team members."

Emily raises an eyebrow at the thought. She slowly nods. "Okay. I"ll hold onto it. For now." She knows she'll add it to the secret safe so that it would be close at hand in case it's ever needed. "So, when do you two lovebirds have to split up again?"

"We don't. Your father is returning to Italy with me, though I doubt I'll be there much longer."

"Really?" She stares at her mother a moment. "What's going on?"

"Your father's position with Vatican City has been taken from him. I'm sure they'll look to move me on from Italy, too. Word has it England may be my next stop."

"Wait, wait, wait. Why is this happening?" Emily asks, though she fears she knows.

"Honey, don't get that look on your face. For over 30 years we haven't been your parents. Now we are and we want to be."

"So it's because you're leaving the Catholic Church…because of me and my family," Emily states. "Mother, if it's going to cause pro—"

"STOP! Stop it right now!" Elizabeth orders. "I told you, Emily, I won't be part of a church that loves my money more than it loves my daughter, my daughter-in-law, and my grandson." She takes Emily's hands and kisses the back of one. "I've never felt more right about something. Your father feels the same. We haven't won you back only to lose you again, Emily. I won't do anything, be _part_of anything that lessens your family in any way."

Emily doesn't try to hide the tears in her eyes. She pulls her mother close. "Thank you, Mom. You'll never know how much that means to me."


	17. Chapter 17

Friday night, JJ lies cuddled in Emily's arms. They are on a blow up mattress in front of the gas fireplace, a half bottle of champagne still cooling in a nearby bucket. Several different finger foods are on platters nearby, being watched from afar by Sergio. Henry was with Will for the weekend and the women were finally getting to break in their new home.

"I could lay here forever," JJ murmurs, her hand lazily stroking Emily's stomach.

Emily kisses the top of JJ's head. "Me, too. But, I have a bit of a surprise for you which will entail me eventually leaving your arms."

JJ looks up at her. "Tonight?"

Emily grins. "Not tonight. In fact, not any time this weekend." Emily reaches under the corner of the mattress and pulls out an envelope. "I have an appointment on Monday."

JJ takes the envelope, her stomach trembling. She smiles as she opens it and reads the appointment time for Emily to see if she is a viable candidate for in vitro fertilization. JJ scoots up and gives Emily a deep kiss.

"Baby…are you sure?"

Emily smiles. "I have never been more sure about anything. Well, maybe about you. I know I'm not magically cured of my issues but I think I'm facing them. And I think I'm strong enough now to face pregnancy." She strokes a hand down JJ's cheek and looks away. "Of course…there could be…complications because of…well…you know…"

JJ turns Emily's head to look into her eyes. "Or there may not be. You won't know until the examination. You are such a good mother, Em. I can't wait for you to experience what I did with Henry. There's just no words to describe it."

Emily smiles. "Yeah?"

JJ nods. "Oh, yeah."

"Jen, what are we going…to…you know, do about a father?"

JJ sits up. "Well, an offer was made to me. But you were going through so much I wasn't sure you were still thinking about this."

Emily runs a hand up JJ's thigh. "And what was the offer?"

"Well, Mark said he'd be willing to donate. That way the little one would really be related to both of us."

Emily sits up. "Really? Seriously? But…won't that be weird if he's 'Uncle Daddy'?"

JJ chuckles. "No. There's a legal way for him to do this but be absolved of parental responsibilities."

"I'm not talking legalities, Jen. I'm talking about family gatherings. Wouldn't he feel drawn to be a father to the child? I don't want to end up hurting him or the baby."

"He and Shelby discussed this for a long time before he offered. They wouldn't have made the offer if they didn't think they could handle it," JJ insists.

Emily sighs. "I…I'll need to think about it. Granted, I like the idea of our child knowing where they came from versus using an anonymous donor that's just a number. But I'd still like to talk to Mark and Shelby myself."

JJ grins. "Don't profile my brother, Agent Prentiss."

Emily chuckles. "I need to make sure my eggs can be trusted with his sperm, Agent Jareau."

JJ smiles. "They can be. I think this is a good thing, Em. Let's at least meet with them about it."

Emily nods. "Okay. But why don't we get past this appointment first. His sperm will be unnecessary if—"

"Don't say it. Just…just believe it will be fine. I believe we make our own luck," JJ tells her, stroking a hand down her stomach. "Everything will be perfect. You'll see."

Emily runs a hand through JJ's hair. "Everything already is, Jen. I have you." She tightens her fingers and pulls JJ down into a kiss.

JJ throws a leg over Emily's hips, straddling her wife. Emily moans into their kiss. JJ starts to rock back and forth, her clit rubbing against Emily's pubic bone. Emily's hands stroke down JJ's back to her ass, pulling her tighter to her center.

JJ lifts out of the kiss, panting for breath. Her hands on either side of Emily's head brace her up. The angle she is at places her breasts close to Emily, who uses her tongue to tease the hard nipples.

"Oh, Em," JJ whispers.

She leans down enough to allow Emily to suck a breast into her mouth. Her teeth and tongue tease the offering. JJ's hips move faster, harder. Emily's hands grip harder driving JJ against her. When she feels JJ close to exploding, she pushes JJ up as she slides down. Her mouth now sucks on the sensitive jewel between JJ's legs. She fingers JJ's swollen folds, hearing her wife whimper at the tease.

With a smile, Emily sucks and thrusts at the same time. JJ screams her pleasure, riding Emily's mouth and hand. She leans back, bracing herself on Emily's thighs as she pumps harder and faster and finally screams as her orgasm rips through her body.

She collapses down onto her wife's chest. "God…the way you make me feel…so fucking good," she pants.

Emily, who had come just from her wife's reaction, smiles. "Right back atcha, baby.

Soon they slip into slumber sated by their love and warmed by the fire.

* * *

At first JJ isn't sure what's waking her. She blinks awake as she hears the sound again. She is alone on the mattress. She looks around and now realizes she's hearing Emily crying…sobbing.

She leaps up, wraps the sheet around herself and follows the sound into the playroom. She sees Emily has pulled on her pajamas. The brunette sits on the window seat, staring out at the night sky as tears roll down her face.

"Emily? What's going on, baby?"

Emily wipes the tears away. "I…I had a nightmare. And I just…couldn't shake it."

JJ walks over and sits beside her wife, facing her. "What was it?"

"I dreamt I had a child but someone took her. It wasn't a kidnapping. She was taken because I wasn't fit to be a mother. They had this…this list showing all the people I had killed or who died because of me…or Lauren. And there was a listing for 'Baby Prentiss' and the guy was telling me that the one they were taking was just to cover for the one I'd killed. And they'd be here soon to take Henry and any other children we had as payment."

"Oh, honey."

"And, Jen, you were so mad at me. You told me you hated me and you were so angry that I had caused you to lose Henry and—"

"Enough, baby," JJ pulls Emily close. "Enough. It was just a dream. No one will take our children. No one. And I will never hate you, Emily. I couldn't. There's nothing that could make me. I swear." She kisses Emily's temple. "You've been dealing with emotions you bottled up for years. This dream is just a result of that. On Monday you're going to the doctor who will tell you that you are a fine candidate for IVF. We'll make a decision on a method and a donor and at some point, you will give birth to our second son or our first daughter. And no one will take that baby away. It just won't happen. I won't let them. You won't let them. The team won't let them. And let's face it, your mother will go all 'Charlie's Angels' on them if someone tries."

Emily can't help but grin at that image. She wraps her arms around JJ. "Thank you, Jen. I know you didn't expect someone going through a mental breakdown when we married."

"Actually, I think you're going through a mental growth. You're learning that emotions are okay. But instead of learning it gradually like most people you're learning it all at once. I'm not surprised your subconscious is a bit overwhelmed." She smiles at her wife. "Something tells me there's a whole bunch of weird and/or scary dreams eager to get out of that pretty head. Your subconscious has probably instituted a 'take a number' system to work through them."

Emily chuckles. "I'm scared you're right. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to lean on."

"Not even worth wondering about. You've got me. Now and always."

Emily strokes a hand down JJ's cheek. "Te amo, Jennifer. Te amo."

The two share a gentle kiss. Emily spreads her legs and pulls JJ down between them. They sit the rest of the night on the window seat, just enjoying the strength they have in each other in the comfort of their new home.


	18. Chapter 18

After her two week leave, Emily takes a deep breath before walking into the FBI Facility at Quantico. JJ smiles at her.

"You okay?"

Emily smiles and nods. "Never better, Jen. It feels good to be back."

"It's good to have you back. I will warn you, I think Garcia might have something planned."

Emily chuckles evilly. "Then how about you go up first and tell her I'm not coming back until Monday."

JJ laughs and swats Emily's arm. "You're a sick and twisted woman, Emily Prentiss. And I love you for it."

Since they were getting in early, Emily is able to avoid whatever it is Garcia has planned at least for a little while. She sits down at her desk, noting the small stack of files JJ had told her would be waiting for her. She opens the first: a deadly home invasion. The police are sure they know who did it they just need help proving it. She slowly shakes her head.

"And Doc thinks I'm okay that I'm happy to be back to this? Maybe she's as warped as I am."

"You know, talking to yourself can be a sign of insanity," Reid states as he walks past her to his desk.

She smiles at him. "Or it could be genius. Which do you think?"

He smiles. "Well, let's see, you're independently wealthy, have a beautiful wife you could make a kept woman, a handsome son you could home school around the world, and yet you're reading a file filled with murder and mayhem. I believe that would be insanity."

Emily laughs at the diagnosis. "Hmm…you may be right."

He sits down, pleased to be seeing his friend across the desk. "I'm really happy you're back, Emily. It wouldn't be the same without you."

She nods. "Thanks, Spence."

By 9 a.m. Emily has been welcomed back by everyone…except Straus. And the profiler is not holding her breath for that one. She is on her second case file of the day when JJ marches into the bullpen.

"Guys. Conference room. We have a case."

Emily's stomach trips. Was she really ready? She watches as Morgan and Reid grab their notepads. She sees Rossi waiting for Hotch and the two of them moving towards the BAU room together. She sees JJ and Garcia already getting things ready for the presentation. Morgan looks over at her.

"Hey, Prentiss, you _do_ remember where the conference room is, right?"

Emily smiles and stands. "Yeah. Yeah I do, Morgan. Be right there"

She gathers her things and heads into the room. As she studies the people sitting around the table she smiles.

Yes, this is where she is meant to be.


End file.
